power of conflict

 The Wright brothers (Wilbur and Orville) were known to get into heated debates as they were trying to engineer the first airplane.  Their debates were so rigorous that at times they would switch and take the other side.  Their argumentative style of discussion is often cited as one of the reasons that they were able to successfully build the first aircraft. 

That makes you wonder if conflict is good in the decision-making process.  Adam Grant, a psychology professor at Wharton, states that it matters what type of conflict.  He differentiates task conflict from personal conflict. 

Personal conflict is the type of conflict most of us do not like.  The debate turns into name-calling and judgment. However, task conflict—if done in moderation—can be extremely helpful.  Task conflict is disagreement about the process, not the person.  It’s when both parties are debating not to win the debate, but to learn more about the process. 

To me, here is where critical friends come into play.  A critical friend is a person who you trust to tell you the truth.  When they disagree with you or provide you with feedback, you know that they want to help you grow, not tear you down. 

Whenever I have an important decision or am thinking about some new ideas, I run them by a group of my critical friends.  I do not always get the feedback I want to hear, but after discussing the idea, I have a much clearer view of what I need to do before I go forward. 

Therefore, the challenge is to put together a list of friends you use when you are in the decision-making process. This group may vary depending on the type of decision, but ultimately the feedback you receive will be beneficial. 

The power of questions

 

 

Recently one of my friends made a statement that I totally disagreed with.  My first thought was to respond “Are you crazy But instead, I asked a series of questions that helped me understand his viewpoint.  What I realized after the conversation is that asking questions has been part of my life ever since I can remember.

In the business world, I would ask questions to find out what was going on in different parts of the company.  I also found that asking questions could provide great feedback.  One of my favorite questions was, “If you were president of the company, what changes would you make?”

I always enjoyed hearing the answers.  People were totally honest and realistic in their suggestions.  And most of the time, I could implement the changes quickly, which made frontline workers feel that they had a stake in the organization. They were also more open to suggest things in the future.

Now, as a teacher, I encourage students to ask questions so that they can gain the knowledge they need to be successful.  Tony Robbins says that “successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

You can also ask questions that are transformational in nature.  One of my mentors recently asked me what memories I want to make this year.  They also asked if there was anything I wanted to do but have not yet done. In both cases, they offered their assistance to help me accomplish these goals while pushing me to think beyond my limits.

Questions are a powerful tool in allowing you to be both informed and transformed.  My challenge to all of us is to really think about and ask the type of questions that will make a difference.

Marble Jar

 

Last week, I was having a difficult day at work, which caused me to withdraw some marbles from my gratitude jar. What is a gratitude jar? It’s a symbolic jar in which I put in a marble for everything I feel grateful for each day, so when a hard day comes along, I have built up enough positives to get me through it.

Psychologist Rick Hanson says “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” Our brain’s negativity bias means we remember difficult moments far more than we remember their positive counterparts.

To counteract this negativity bias, I do two exercises. One is writing down three good things each day. At first, it can be difficult to find three good things (there’s negativity bias at work). However, as I trained my brain, it has become easier. What I have realized is that my gratitude jar is filled up, and when an adverse event comes along, I often think about all the good things that have happened to me.

Secondly, I form a T chart of things that energize me and things that suck up my energy. I am energized by learning new things, by teaching students, and by seeing improvement in both myself and others. I try to schedule more of these types of things in my life. On the other hand, I do not like to manage adults. So, when given the chance to chair a committee or head up a project, I politely decline.

The challenge is to focus on what energizes you. Fill your marble jar up with grateful memories that you can save, so they are easy to turn to when you need them. Hopefully, both of these exercises will make you more resilient in the future.

Are You certain?

 If you asked me 10 years ago what was the best way to teach, I am sure that I would have given you an answer. I also think that my answer would have been phrased in such a way that my approach was the best. Now, however, I am less certain of most things and more curious. 

When another teacher suggests a different strategy or method, I am now much more inclined to ask questions so that I can understand the reasoning. I’ll go watch them teach so that I can see the context of these strategies. What I now realize more than ever is that there are many ways to get students to learn. 

I am trying to apply this to approach all areas of my life. It now amazes me how certain some people are about so many issues. If Covid has taught me anything, it’s that there is no certainty. As we learn more about the disease, the science changes, as does how we should try to keep ourselves safe. 

This is not to say I do not have an opinion. However, instead of trying to prove myself right or judging how others think, I will think about what the other side of the argument is.  

One of the goals of school is to get students to think critically—to take in all sides of an issue and allow the newfound facts to change your mind. 

My challenge to everyone is to reach out to a person who thinks differently than you. I think you will find out in the end that, even if they have a different perspective, they want the same things out of life that you do. 

While I am not certain is this right approach, I am curious about your thoughts. 

To build or not to build

 I overheard a couple of freshman parents talking about their sons’ schedules.  They were trying to make sure that their kids were taking the most rigorous classes possible.  They also wanted to make sure that their sons were involved in as many clubs as our school had to offer.  After all, that’s the way to get into the most competitive colleges, one father said. 

My first thought was, wow, these kids are not really going to enjoy the next four years at our school or the four years after that in college, as they are getting pushed to build a resume that I don’t think even impresses admissions directors or employers 

Freshmen, how about instead of packing the schedule so that you have no room to breathe, you take the lightest schedule possible?  This allows you to use the extra time in your first year to explore both the classes and the clubs that interest you.  Once you find what interests you, it’s easier to build your schedule around it

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Focus your energies on the activities and classes that spark your interest.  There might only be one activity that interests you, and that’s okay.  Colleges and employers are looking for people who pursue interesting things.  If you think you would make a great guest on a radio or TV talk show, you are on the right path. 

Use your time in both high school and college to explore and cultivate your interest, not to build your resume.  It will lead to a more enjoyable and beneficial educational experience. 

New Start

 

As we were driving our son to college to begin his first year, he was nervous yet excited.  The thrill of starting a new journey often coincides with wondering if you will fit in.  Whether it’s a new job, new school, or a new class, you wonder, “Do I belong here?”

Greg Walton, a Stanford psychologist, has done a lot of research on belonging.  The first thing to realize is that many people share the same feelings.  The only difference is that they might be good at hiding how they feel, so it seems like they are adjusting faster than you are. Don’t compare yourself with others only with yourself: Are you doing better today than yesterday?

The feeling of not belonging will go away after a time.  Psychologists estimate that it takes 50 hours to develop a friendship.  Turning that friend into a good friend might take 200-300 hours. So be patient, give yourself some time.

And realize that we all grow at different rates.  New students, have confidence that the admissions director accepted you into the school.  They have years of experience, and they know you can handle the workload.  The same approach can be applied to a new job.  Recognize that the people hiring you know what they are doing and feel confident you can do the job.

Take a minute and ask more-seasoned veterans how they felt when they first started.  Many seniors will remember wondering if they belonged, and things worked out fine for them.  Use these veterans as role models demonstrating that even though they had self-doubts at the start, they are now excelling.

Finally, the last challenge is for us veterans.  It is important to reach out and help newcomers feel like they belong.  I know that the times I started a new job, the people who reached out made a world of difference.

Tribute to my seniors

 

A group of us started this academic year virtually last summer.  At the time, there was the possibility we would be virtual for the year, 25% hybrid, or 50% hybrid.  As we navigated through the year, the uncertainty stayed with us even as we went from 25%-50% and eventually where some of you are going full time.

While hybrid learning was something we all had to adjust to, you were very flexible as I made some mistakes with technology and at times when technology failed us.  I am thankful that you did not complain but tried to make the best of the situation.

Many of you came to reviews before school or at night.  Others would meet with me during their off periods as we all tried to master the material.  Especially in these trying times, your effort was truly appreciated.

During the year, we worked on vulnerability, which led us to keep track of Bressler’s blunders.  While I led the class in mistakes, it was great to see many of you ask questions to improve your knowledge of the material.  It was also great to see students explain difficult concepts to other students who either did not understand my explanation or could not relate to my examples.

I also appreciated your honesty with our daily feedback.  I logged all your suggestions and have a list of changes I will make next year.  I truly think that the feedback I get from students is the best professional development.  If there are parts of the class you have enjoyed, it probably came about from a student’s suggestion.

As you move on to college, I have a couple of tips.  Sit in the first three rows of the class.  Ask questions and do not worry about what other think—your job is to understand the material.  Lastly, make sure to make use of professors’ office hours.  All of these will help make the learning experience easier for you.

Thank you for all you have done this year.  The conditions were not ideal, but I truly enjoyed working with you.  If I can be of any help to you in the future, do not hesitate to call.

With tremendous gratitude and admiration

Mr. Bressler