In the world of education this time of the year is often a
new start for many people. For many
students they are entering their first year in college, first year in high
school, a difficult class like AP economics or a new school. For teachers like myself, they are starting
at a new school. Many of us who are
entering these new positions are wondering the same thing, do we belong? Do we belong socially, emotionally and
intellectually in this new environment?
Greg Walton, a
psychologist at Stanford, has done a lot of work on interventions on social
belonging (more
here). The first thing to realize is
that if you feel you do not belong you are not alone. That while it might seem that others are just
blending in better than you they are just actually better at faking it. That they are sharing the same feelings but
just are not allowing you or anyone else see them.
The second thing is to realize that the feeling is temporary
and will go away in time. On the social
aspect it is worth remembering that psychologists estimate that it takes 50
hours of time to turn an acquaintance into a friend. 200-300 hours to turn that friend into a good
or best friend. So, if you are worried
that you do not belong because you have no friends give it time. The good friends you had at your last job, or
your last school did not come overnight.
Feel free to use those old friends as a support system as you get acclimated
in your new situation.
Realize while the new school, class or job might be
difficult at first the people in charge thought you were up to the
challenge. For new students in college,
be confident in the admissions people who selected you. They had many applicants and chose you. If you are taking a difficult class know that
your guidance counselor had confidence that you had the ability to handle such
a difficult course. The new opportunity
should be viewed as one of growth not one of struggle.
Recently, I had a chance to speak to some experienced
teachers at my new school. They all
seemed positive, confident and truly invested in the school. Talking, in my case, to some veteran
teachers, or in student’s cases to seniors, or someone who has taken the
difficult class might also provide you with some confidence. These are examples of people who were in the
same situation as you were and are now thriving
My last challenge is for those experienced people, reach out
to the freshman, or the new people on the job.
Help them feel like they belong, it will make a world of difference.
As always, your feedback is appreciated.
