Recently, a student asked me what I thought the fallout would be from the Trump impeachment.  My first reaction was that it hurt both parties.  Long before the vote happened, you knew that the Democrats were going to impeach Trump and the Republicans were going to acquit him. 

This partisanship is such a poor example for the country.  Neither party really listened to the arguments but had decided much earlier to just follow the party line.  How do we as individuals try to prevent ourselves from falling into this same trap? 

Let’s begin with some self-reflection questions:

Do you listen as if you might be wrong? 

Do you allow new evidence to change your opinion? 

Do you search for evidence that might go against your opinion? 

Do you value other opinions even if they differ from your own? 

There are many times during an argument that my answer will be “no” to all these questions.  I must continue to remind myself that critical thinking is the ability to change one’s mind when presented with new facts 

Try not to enter an argument the same way the Democrats and Republicans do.  Do not assume that people who disagree with you do not have the facts.  Also, do not confuse opinions with facts. 

It is not easy to really listen to other opinions when they differ from your own.  However, if we all want to become critical thinkers, we must have the intellectual humility to change our perspectives when presented with new facts. 

While it is extremely hard to do in the heat of an argument, my challenge to all of you is this: instead of trying to convince the person you are right, think about something you have learned and how that might have changed your perspective. 

Forgiving

When I stopped working for Domino’s Pizza, I had a falling out with one of my closest associates.  We had worked closely together for years.  He had mistreated a mutual friend, and when he refused to return my calls to discuss this matter, I decided to never talk to him again.  When his wedding invitation came in the mail, I quickly responded no. 

 I was reading a book about Gandhi in which he said, “hate the sin, love the sinner.” It made me think about my relationship with my friend.  Why was forgiveness so hard to do? 

It is often hard to forgive when you get either an insincere apology or no apology at all.  Gandhi’s quote made me realize that ignoring what happened with my friend had not worked.  That my friend’s actions were not meant to be malicious but rather occurred in trying circumstances in both of our lives. 

My friend traveled a lot, so it was hard to get a hold of him (before everyone had a cell phone).  He finally called me back at my house.  When my wife answered, he said, “Why is Phil calling me? I thought he hated me.” 

When I came to the phone and started talking, it was easy for both of us to exchange apologies.  As the conversation continued, I physically felt the tension leave my body. 

Until I talked with my friend, I had not realized how much tension and stress is caused by not forgiving.  I have made it a goal of mine to reflect once a month on any place where I need to forgive others or myself. 

My challenge to you is to think about anyone (including yourself) whom you should forgive.  It will amaze you how much better you will feel.