Nuggets from Angela Duckworth

 

A group of us recently had the opportunity to hear Dr. Angela Duckworth speak about her new book, Situated. I took three pages of notes that night, which is probably a good indication that there was a lot to think about.

Rather than try to capture everything she said, I want to share four ideas that stuck with me.

1. Space Matters

The first lesson was about our surroundings.

Dr. Duckworth shared research showing that students who keep their phones in another room while studying tend to perform better than students who simply keep their phones nearby. The lesson is simple:  the best way to exercise self-control is to remove the temptation altogether.

That idea hit home for me.

I am trying to cut down on snacking, and I have discovered that it is much easier when the snacks are out of sight. If the cookies are sitting on the kitchen counter, I must make a decision every time I walk by. If they are somewhere I can't see them, I don't have to make that decision nearly as often.

We often think getting better is about having more discipline. Sometimes it is simply about creating an environment that makes the right choice easier.

2. Peers Matter

The second lesson was about the people we surround ourselves with.

Our friends, teammates, and classmates influence us more than we probably realize. The people we spend time with shape what we see as normal, acceptable, and expected.

That doesn't mean we need to abandon friends who think differently than we do. But it does mean we should be intentional about who we spend our time with.

Find people who challenge you. Find people who encourage you. Finding people who will help you do the right hard thing when doing the easy thing would be more comfortable.

We become, in part, the people we spend time with.

HELPFUL HINT: -exchange goals with a peer.  Research shows that we would rather let ourselves down than a peer

 

3. Seek Out Mentors

The third lesson was the importance of mentors.

There are people who have walked roads we are just beginning to travel. They have made mistakes, learned lessons, developed expertise, and built relationships that can help us see possibilities we might not see on our own.

But mentorship doesn't always begin with someone offering to be your mentor.

It often begins with curiosity.

Ask thoughtful questions. Listen carefully. Be genuinely interested in what other people have learned. Show up prepared. Follow up. And, most importantly, be willing to learn.

People are generally more willing to invest in someone who is curious, humble, and willing to listen.

INTERESTING FACT: Michael Phelps coach explains that what made Michael great was that he practiced everyday at a 8.  You do not need to be perfect every day but rather be consistently good.

4. Culture Matters

The fourth lesson was about culture, the broader environments in which we live and work and the norms, expectations, and values that determine "how we do things around here."

Culture is powerful because much of it operates beneath the surface.

We don't always stop to think about why we behave in a certain way. We simply observe what everyone else is doing and follow along.

That can work for us or against us.

When we have the opportunity, we should choose environments where the culture reinforces the person we are trying to become. Look for places where hard work is expected, where people support one another, where doing the right thing matters, and where growth is part of the culture.

The Better Question

As I thought about these four ideas—space, peers, mentors, and culture—I kept coming back to one question.

Maybe the challenge isn't simply to ask:

"How can I get better?"

Maybe the better question is:

"With whom, and under what conditions, do I become better?"

Be A Lifeguard

 

A lifeguard’s head is always on a swivel. They are constantly scanning the water, looking for the small signs that might tell them someone is beginning to struggle. A swimmer who was laughing and playing a few minutes ago might suddenly be floating differently, moving more slowly, or looking exhausted. A good lifeguard notices those changes.  The goal is not to wait for someone to be in trouble and then jump into action. The real goal of lifeguarding is prevention—recognizing the warning signs early enough that a dangerous situation never develops.

What if we approached school the same way? What if each of us thought of ourselves as a lifeguard, constantly paying attention to the people around us? In a school, the signs of someone struggling may not be as obvious as someone waving for help at the beach. Maybe it is a student who normally talks to everyone but suddenly becomes quiet. Maybe it is someone sitting by themselves at lunch who usually has a group around them. Maybe a student who is usually energetic seems tired, disconnected, or unusually withdrawn. These small changes can be easy to overlook, but they can also be opportunities for us to notice that someone might need a little extra care.

Being a lifeguard at school does not mean that we must solve everyone’s problems. It means that we are willing to notice, care, and act. Sometimes lifeguarding might mean sitting next to someone who is alone. It might mean asking, “Are you okay?” or “Do you want to talk?” It might mean including someone in a conversation, inviting someone to sit with you, or letting a trusted adult know that you are concerned. Most importantly, it means leading with empathy. Instead of judging someone based on what we see, we pause and wonder what might be happening beneath the surface. Just as a lifeguard watch for signs of trouble before someone goes under, we can watch for the small changes that might tell us someone is beginning to struggle.

I often ask students a simple question: Would our school be better if everyone took the role of the lifeguard? The answer is almost always an immediate yes. Students understand the power of a community where people look out for one another. Imagine walking into school knowing that the people around you are paying attention—not in a way that feels invasive or judgmental, but in a way that says, “You matter here. If you are struggling, someone will notice.” That kind of culture does not happen because of one person or one program. It happens when caring becomes something we all take responsibility for.

The challenge is that lifeguarding requires us to look beyond ourselves. It requires us to slow down enough to notice the person who might otherwise be invisible. It asks us to recognize that the outgoing person can have a difficult day, that the student who always seems happy can still struggle, and that sometimes the person who needs help might even be the person who pushes us away. We do not have to know exactly what someone is going through. We simply must care enough to notice a change and take a small step toward them. A simple conversation or act of kindness may not solve everything, but it can remind someone that they are not alone.

A school where everyone acts like a lifeguard is a school where we look out for each other. We notice. We listen. We include. We care. And when we see someone beginning to struggle, we do not wait until they are completely overwhelmed before we reach out. We throw them a lifeline before they go under. The goal is not to become heroes who rescue people after they are in danger. The goal is to build a community where fewer people reach that point in the first place. So, the challenge for all of us is simple: Be the lifeguard.

Generous assumptions

 

School can be an exhausting place. Teachers are balancing lessons, students, paperwork, meetings, deadlines, and the countless unexpected things that happen during a school day. Administrators are balancing many of those same demands while also making decisions that affect an entire school community.

And yet, it can be surprisingly easy for us to assume the worst about one another.

Teachers may think, “Whatever the administrators do, they are going to get it wrong.” Administrators may look at a struggling teacher and think, “They are just not working hard enough.” Teachers may look at a student who is disengaged and think, “They are lazy.”

What if, instead, we practiced generous assumptions?

A generous assumption does not mean ignoring problems, excusing poor decisions, or pretending everything is okay. It simply means leaving room for the possibility that we don't have the whole story.

Maybe the administrator has information we don't have. Maybe there are constraints we aren't aware of. Maybe a decision that doesn't make sense from our perspective makes more sense when we understand everything that went into it.

That doesn't mean we have to agree. We can question decisions, advocate for ourselves, and have difficult conversations. But we can do those things while assuming that the person on the other side is trying to do their best with the information and circumstances they have.

The same is true for our students.

When a student doesn't complete an assignment, puts their head down in class, comes to school unprepared, or seems completely uninterested, it is easy to label that student as lazy. But we don't know what happened before they walked through the school doors.

Maybe they didn't sleep well. Maybe there are problems at home. Maybe they are struggling academically and are embarrassed to ask for help. Maybe they are overwhelmed, anxious, discouraged, or simply having a terrible day.

We don't have to know exactly what is happening to choose compassion over judgment.

And this applies to teachers, too.

Sometimes administrators see a teacher who isn't meeting expectations and quickly attach a label: lazy, unmotivated, resistant, or unwilling to change. But teachers are people, not robots. Their best effort may look different from day to day. A teacher who seems disengaged may be overwhelmed. A teacher who is resistant to a new initiative may be exhausted from years of initiatives that came and went. A teacher who isn't performing at their usual level may simply be struggling with something we cannot see.

Accountability still matters. Expectations still matter. But so does curiosity.

Instead of asking, “What's wrong with them?” perhaps we can ask, “I wonder what is going on?”

That small shift can change everything.

Generous assumptions also make our schools happier places to work and learn. When we assume positive intent, we are less likely to become defensive. We are more willing to listen. We are more likely to ask questions before making judgments. And when people feel that others are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt, they are often more willing to extend that same grace to others.

That doesn't mean everyone agrees.

It means we choose kindness alongside accountability.

We choose curiosity over assumptions.

Perhaps one of the simplest ways we can improve our schools is to pause before we judge and remind ourselves:

Maybe there is more to the story.

That is the heart of generous assumptions. It doesn't make us naive. It makes us human.

And if we can give one another a little more grace, a little more curiosity, and a little more kindness, we might discover that we can create schools where people feel not only accountable, but understood.

Sometimes, that is exactly what people need to do their best.