New Start

 

As we were driving our son to college to begin his first year, he was nervous yet excited.  The thrill of starting a new journey often coincides with wondering if you will fit in.  Whether it’s a new job, new school, or a new class, you wonder, “Do I belong here?”

Greg Walton, a Stanford psychologist, has done a lot of research on belonging.  The first thing to realize is that many people share the same feelings.  The only difference is that they might be good at hiding how they feel, so it seems like they are adjusting faster than you are. Don’t compare yourself with others only with yourself: Are you doing better today than yesterday?

The feeling of not belonging will go away after a time.  Psychologists estimate that it takes 50 hours to develop a friendship.  Turning that friend into a good friend might take 200-300 hours. So be patient, give yourself some time.

And realize that we all grow at different rates.  New students, have confidence that the admissions director accepted you into the school.  They have years of experience, and they know you can handle the workload.  The same approach can be applied to a new job.  Recognize that the people hiring you know what they are doing and feel confident you can do the job.

Take a minute and ask more-seasoned veterans how they felt when they first started.  Many seniors will remember wondering if they belonged, and things worked out fine for them.  Use these veterans as role models demonstrating that even though they had self-doubts at the start, they are now excelling.

Finally, the last challenge is for us veterans.  It is important to reach out and help newcomers feel like they belong.  I know that the times I started a new job, the people who reached out made a world of difference.