Poker Scandal

 As a young man I was extremely interested in the game of poker. While I do not really play anymore, I still follow the poker scene on YouTube. Poker is presently going through a scandal in which one of the best players is accusing another player of cheating. 

What I found interesting is that both sides of this issue are convinced that they are right. On Twitter, some people said that there was definitely cheating, while others said that none occurred. Both sides kept doubling down in response to the others’ arguments. 

One of the biggest mistakes everyone makes: We try to change the other person’s mind.  Psychologist Adam Grant suggests that instead of trying to change someone’s mind, we try to open it. One of the questions he suggests asking is, “What facts do you need to change your mind on this issue?” This request does not put the person on the defensive but instead allows them to think about what might change their mind. 

Grant also did some research on political hot-buttons. When talking about the abortion issue, he asked people to reflect on their life as if they had the opposite view. While this did not change people's opinions, it allowed them too see that there were different perspectives to the issue. 

We often put a negative connotation on people who change their minds, calling them flip-floppers. However, I would argue that we should applaud them, because they have shown the ability to learn by taking current information into account 

In the future, when you notice a person has changed their opinion due to additional information, take a moment to congratulate them. What they have shown is the ability to be flexible and to learn. 

Bounce Back

 

When watching interviews with cancer survivors, I notice that most of them talk about how the battle has made them a better person.  That now they have a better perspective on life.  These people did not bounce back—they bounced forward.

As I watch us come back from the pandemic, I wonder, is the same thing going on?  In the classroom, students seem more attentive and better focused.  I think we appreciate that we can get back to what was once our normal day-to-day.

Globally, research shows that more people are volunteering, which might indicate that the pandemic has given many people a different perspective.  People are also giving to charities more now than ever before.

Covid shined a light on mental health, which is a good thing for all of us.  Where a mental health day was once thought of as a sign of weakness, it is now encouraged by many companies.  While it seems that stress and anxiety are down from the height of the pandemic, it is an issue that more people are now aware of.

As we, all try to bounce back from the pandemic, the challenge is to take a second and thank the people who are most important to us.

How Olivia Newton-John inspired me

 When I was on vacation this summer Olivia Newton-John passed away. At the time, I was not familiar with her work besides Grease. I then watched a couple of her interviews on YouTube and two themes jumped out at me on every interview; she would discuss how happy she was and how grateful she was for everything in her life.

Olivia, of course, did not have financial worries but she still faced the obstacles we all face during her life. Instead of worrying about why me, she focused, her energy on being grateful for what she had. Gratitude (more here) is an amazing characteristic in that you cannot get too much of it. Grateful people are happier, nicer to others, more cooperative and have better relationships.

On a personal level, I try to express my gratitude. Each day I write down three good things that happened to be the previous day. This especially is important to me on those bad days on which I think there is nothing to be happy about. What I have found is that when I do these three good things it has changed my mindset. Instead of holding on to all the bad things that have happened, I hold onto all the good things.

Secondly, I use to spend time worrying about how people might perceive a letter of gratitude. Now I just write it and send it without any worries. I have learned that people are very appreciative, and it helps build a stronger relationship.

I will allow Olivia Newton-John’s daughter the last words. When asked what was the best career advice (she was also an actor and singer) her mom gave her. She replied, “She never had to give me advice. I watched her every day. She never felt she was bigger than anyone and she was always grateful for everything she had.

Self-Doubt

 

My friend called me wondering if they should apply for a promotion.  They doubted they had the skills necessary for the new position.  “Their standards are so high that I don’t think any applicant could meet them,” they said.

My friend was worried that if they got promoted, their self-doubt would prevent them from succeeding.  I told them that most people have some self-doubt when taking on a new job.  There would be some obstacles in the way, but they would learn from their mistakes and grow into the position.

Over the years, I have noticed that unsuccessful people seem to wonder, “How did this happen to me?  Why am I faced with such hard obstacles that prevent me from doing my job?”  Successful people, on the other hand, think of these obstacles as a chance to learn and grow from them.

When taking on a new challenge, realize that self-doubt is normal.  Self-doubt is the signal that you are ready to grow.

Do I belong?

 Recently, a former student emailed me about their new job.  They were extremely excited about the opportunity but felt they did not belong.  They kept talking about how smart everyone was in the company and that they did not feel that they were of this caliber. 

My first question was, “Do you think your boss is smart?”  They quickly replied yes.  Then I said, trust them that they knew what they were doing when they hired you.  If it’s a new job, new school, or even a higher-level class, the people who put you in those places know that you belong there. 

Secondly, I explained that most people go through the experience of feeling like they don’t belong.  They might not express it or are just better at faking it.  It’s important to realize that you are not the only person going through it.  Given time, most people find that they do belong in that organization, school, or class.   

What can people with more experience do to help?  Share your past experiences with any newcomer to the space.  Explain that you had doubts about belonging at first and that now you are doing really well.  Once people realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it allows them to feel like they belong. 

Most importantly, accept these people for their authentic selves.  If people cannot truly be themselves, then they cannot feel like they belong.  Belonging is a powerful emotion, which allows workers and students to maximize performance. 

The challenge for all of us with experience is to reach out to someone and help them feel like they belong.  I know the difference that made in new jobs when people did versus when they didn’t. 

Thank You

 

Many of us started the school year early.  We did some virtual work over the summer to get a head start on the new year.  When classes officially started, we were all wearing masks and truly happy to be back in person again.  Most of us wondered what the new normal would bring.

While this year has been stressful for many of us, I truly appreciate the effort that you have put into class.  It could be coming in early for reviews, zooming at night, or meeting in the ARC.  Your commitment to master the material has been the best.

I have been impressed by those of you who have improved tremendously during the course of the year.  Despite getting some poor results on assessments, you continued to press on.  This demonstration of grit not only served you well in this class but also will be help you throughout your life.

I also want to thank the people who mastered the material and then explained it to fellow classmates.  The fact that you took the time to help other classmates demonstrates the type of person you are.

Now you are moving on to the next step in your journey, so I want to give you this parting advice. If you are not sure what you want to major in, do not worry about it.  That is what college is all about.  Take different classes and see what interests you.  Do a summer internship but keep exploring until you find what you really want to do.

When you are in college, sit up front, raise your hand, and go to office hours.  The more you engage in the class, the more you will get out of the class.  Remember that colleges offer many resources and that it is your job as a student to use these resources efficiently.  The skill you always want to improve upon is your ability to learn.

When you arrive at college, find a high school or middle school close by.  Donate one hour a week to work with one student.  It might be in a favorite subject of yours, a sport, or an extracurricular activity.  While the teacher might want you to work with many students, try to keep it to one.  You will be truly amazed at how much you can help a student improve in just one hour.

Lastly, as you are closing your high school journey, take the time to write a gratitude note to the teachers who have influenced you (your parents should also get one).  They will truly appreciate it.

 

With gratitude and deep admiration,

What the World Needs Now

A friend recently asked me what I would talk about if I were to give a commencement speech.  That is truly a tough question. A lot of thoughts ran through my mind.  Finally, I settled on a couple of points that I think would help the country become a better place.

My first point would be to listen like you’re wrong.  Too often, we are not listening to the other person’s viewpoint but rather are formulating an argument to prove them wrong.  When I listen like I am wrong, I find that I learn a lot, and it often allows me to change my perspective.

Secondly, make generous assumptions.  Do not believe that other people have bad intentions. They likely want the same outcomes that you do.  When I talk to parents, most want a good education for their children, a safe place for them to interact with their friends, and a happy, fulfilling life for their family.  The differences of opinion are usually about how to get these outcomes.

My last point is that sometimes we talk about making the world a better place.  That seems like a daunting task to many of us.  You can, however, make the world better by just making someone smile or opening a door for another person.  The other day I was eating out when I saw a daughter go help her father up out of the chair.  The older man was using his daughter as a crutch as they walked to the bathroom.  I asked the woman, “Do you want me to go into the bathroom with your dad?”  She was so thankful, since she now did not have to worry about him falling down.

In summary, what the world needs now is love. Take the time each day to reach out to someone.