Perfect moments

                                                           

Eugene O’Kelly, in his memoir begins his book with this statement:  I was blessed.  I was told I had three months to live.”  He was told that he had a rare cancer that were the size of golf balls which had grown in his brain.  At the time there was no cure.

He quickly quit his job and started planning out his last three months.  He decided to draw five concentric circles and use them as a map of his relationships.  He would start with the outer circle, the people who he had more distant relationships with and then work toward the middle ring in which was his family.

His conversations were about shared experiences, memories and mutual appreciation.  He worked hard not to make these conversations sad as he wanted them to be special, as he moved to the closer friends he tried to make the experiences more special by going to a great restaurant or spending time in the park.  With these closer friends he swapped stories and exchanged gratitude of their friendship.  He came to think of these as perfect moments.

What O’Kelly realized in his last two weeks is that he had more special and perfect moments in the last two weeks than he had in the last five years.  The reason he felt blessed when he was told he had three months to live is that life left to live.

In reading this it reminded me how my in-laws would never buy my children presents instead they would take them on experiences.  It might be to Hershey park, or the zoo but these were experiences and memories my children still remember.

I know at the end of the school year I often reflect upon how fast it went by, like this is a good thing.  What I am going to do at the end of this year is think about the perfect moments I had during the school year.  The list of student interactions and accomplishments that I cherish.  I have made a list of the people I want to reach out to as I start to make my personal perfect moments

Reflect on how many perfect moments have you had in the past 30 days.  More importantly how many can you have in the next thirty.  What O’Kelly reminded me of is not to wait for a disaster but make the most of everyday.

As always your feedback is appreciated

belonging

In the world of education this time of the year is often a new start for many people.  For many students they are entering their first year in college, first year in high school, a difficult class like AP economics or a new school.  For teachers like myself, they are starting at a new school.  Many of us who are entering these new positions are wondering the same thing, do we belong?   Do we belong socially, emotionally and intellectually in this new environment?

Greg Walton,  a psychologist at Stanford, has done a lot of work on interventions on social belonging (more here).  The first thing to realize is that if you feel you do not belong you are not alone.  That while it might seem that others are just blending in better than you they are just actually better at faking it.  That they are sharing the same feelings but just are not allowing you or anyone else see them.

The second thing is to realize that the feeling is temporary and will go away in time.  On the social aspect it is worth remembering that psychologists estimate that it takes 50 hours of time to turn an acquaintance into a friend.  200-300 hours to turn that friend into a good or best friend.  So, if you are worried that you do not belong because you have no friends give it time.  The good friends you had at your last job, or your last school did not come overnight.  Feel free to use those old friends as a support system as you get acclimated in your new situation.

Realize while the new school, class or job might be difficult at first the people in charge thought you were up to the challenge.  For new students in college, be confident in the admissions people who selected you.  They had many applicants and chose you.  If you are taking a difficult class know that your guidance counselor had confidence that you had the ability to handle such a difficult course.  The new opportunity should be viewed as one of growth not one of struggle.

Recently, I had a chance to speak to some experienced teachers at my new school.  They all seemed positive, confident and truly invested in the school.  Talking, in my case, to some veteran teachers, or in student’s cases to seniors, or someone who has taken the difficult class might also provide you with some confidence.  These are examples of people who were in the same situation as you were and are now thriving

My last challenge is for those experienced people, reach out to the freshman, or the new people on the job.  Help them feel like they belong, it will make a world of difference.

As always, your feedback is appreciated.

Mindset

When I was a young boy I was totally interested in baseball.  I remember thinking that if your batting average was .300 you had a chance of going to the Hall of Fame while if you hit .250 you were mediocre.  The difference between greatness and mediocrity was 30 hits over the course of a year (180/600 compared to 150/600).  At the time the average regular player played 150 games a year which meant that the difference between great and average was one hit every five games.  Once I figured this out I wondered would we know who the great players were if we did not keep these statistics?  How come these great players constantly had that one extra hit every fifth game.

Jerry Grote, a great defensive catcher, talked about the mentality of hitters.  He would say that when an average hitter got a base hit early in the game they thought that they accomplished their days work.  That later in the game when they came up they did not bear down as hard because they thought that they accomplished their goal for the day.  On the other hand, the great hitters always focused as they thought after getting one hit that this was the day that they would get 3 or 4.  Grote thought that at the major league level the difference was not always talent but the mental approach to the game.  This was my first introduction to mindset and the realization that ability might not be the only factor in performance.

Now I have seen this mindset work with students.  When a B student sometimes scores an A on a test they sometimes relax on the next assessment thinking that there “B” is in the bag.  They do not have to try that hard because they will hit their goal.  These students have the ability to be A students but do not have the mindset to get it done.

I then read some amazing research done with eyesight.  At first, they tested people viewing a regular eye chart.  After recording their scores, they then tested the people on an eyechart flipped upside down (read more)  People’s showed improved eyesight with the chart flipped upside down.  The brain expected to be able to see the top lines of the chart so therefore due to that expectation people performed better.  Now again, that is not going to make a person like me who is almost blind without my glasses to see with 20/20 vision but it shows the power of mindset.

Again, I see this play out in the classroom where when some students are told the problem is going to be hard they automatically think that they can solve a problem.  For whatever reason they have convinced themselves that the problems are too hard for them.  It sometimes takes me asking them one or two questions before they can solve what seemed to them to be a complex problem.  They had the ability to solve the problem but they lacked the confidence to perform.cannot solve it.  However, when I ask them some questions they can answer the questions and solve the problem.  It is the mindset that some students have that they are not smart enough to solve the problem when they really do have the ability

So, what are my takeaways from these examples.  That the difference between good and great is not always found in the talent but sometimes in the mindset.  That the difference between good and great is not always in the talent but often in the mindset.  So how do you go about changing your mindset?

This is my last thought of the week for the year.  I truly enjoyed engaging with you in this matter and will start this again when school starts up next year.  As always your feedback is welcome.

A tribute to our seniors

As the seniors are set to walk across the stage this week I thought I would dedicate this to them.  A group of us started this journey last summer as we met once a week for about 90 minutes.  This was both an introduction to economics and each other.  Grateful that students would give up their time during the summer to get a head start on economics.

When the regular school year started the total class joined us on the journey.  During this time, we met a couple of times a week before school started to review key concepts that we had learned and bring clarity to any questions students had.  One student said to me, “I remember peeking into your room last year wondering who those nerds were that came to school so early to study.  Now I realize I am one of those nerds” I realize how much most of you have going on in your lives and truly appreciated your dedication outside the classroom.

During class this year we worked on vulnerability and trying to get students to understand we all make mistakes.  It was fun watching you add to the Bressler Blunder board which eventually led to a donut celebration.  What I truly appreciated was the great questions that came from you throughout the year.  There were often questions that were outside the curriculum (which was great) and questions that helped clarify the curriculum.  Your curiosity was inspiring.

You guys also brought changes to the classroom which will I will continue to use next year.  I now realize the impact of putting the kudo slip on student’s desks which also works with questions.  When putting either one of these on the desk it led to triple the responses.  Our list of people who were rejected from colleges made people realize that not everyone was getting into the college of their choice.  If you were rejected you were not alone.

We had a lot of truly talented people this year in economics.  What was great to see however, is how helpful each of you were to each other.  When viewing the class, I could consistently see one person helping another, making each other feel comfortable asking for help.  It is also nice to see that sometimes the person who normally gives help needed to ask for it.  It showed that most people left their egos at the door.

We then had the student walkout in which I am extremely proud of the seniors who helped organize and promote the walkout.  This group of people show their passion and determination to bring about change.  On the other side of the coin it was great to see people stay in class because they did not share the same beliefs.  Both sides of the issue handing it in a manner that was respectful of each other.

I will end with one piece of advice and one challenge.  The piece of advice is that you sit in the first three rows of every lecture class you take.  It seems the closer you are to the professor the easier it is to concentrate.  Also, the statistics show that people who sit in the first three rows get better grades than people who do not.

I will leave you with one last challenge.  You will probably go to class 18-21 hours a week in college compared to the 30-hour week in high school.  That will leave you with some free time on your hands.  Find a school near you and volunteer to tutor one student for one hour every week.  It is truly amazing how much you can accomplish one on one with a student.  The teachers will probably want to give you more than one student but stick to one the impact can be huge.  Make the world a better place one hour and one student at a time.

Thanks again for a great year.

With love, gratitude and admiration

Happiness

Positive psychology is the science of human flourishing.  What psychologists have found out is that you can improve your happiness in the same fashion you might improve in sports, school or video games.  Happiness is not just a moment in time, it is about enjoying the journey to a destination that you care about.

As a young boy my father would give me things to do each day to become a better athlete.  It might be shooting 500 jump shots or drawing a strike zone on a wall requiring me to hit specific targets in the zone.  While my father was concerned about making me a better baseball and basketball player, what I have realized today is that he taught me to love the journey.

1.      So, what are some tips that you can follow to improve your journey to happiness.  Again, as a young man cigarette companies could advertise on TV.  One company’s ad was “more taste, fine tobacco, that what happiness is” Now in the moment, when my mom lit up her cigarette, it did bring her happiness.  I can see the relaxation and smile on her face when she smoked.  However, in the long run this brought about health issues which caused her (and the family) much sadness.  So, in the journey for happiness we can not only think about short term gains but we must also think about future gains.

2.      Your mind and body work together, so that taking care of your body is very important.  Most of us are sleep deprived, make sure that you figure out how to get your proper sleep.  Work on eating healthy, and exercising to keep your body in shape.  These factors build into the happiness equation.

3.      The journey becomes more meaningful when you keep a record of it.  A gratitude journal which you keep your three good things each day is a great way to document the journey (join our gratitude page).  I also know when I am struggling and having a bad day, that the three good things become more important as they refocus my mind on what is good instead of recalling all that is bad.

4.      Think about the things that make you happy and make sure to schedule them into your life.  A lot of times in the day to day grind we lose track of what makes us happy.  It is important to schedule time to maybe eat with a friend, time to read a book or play a video game.  These little things add up as we move through out happiness journey.

5.      Recently before going to bed each night, I forgive myself and others for things that we did wrong.  When I focus on the forgiveness exercise I can totally feel my body relax as I am preparing to go to sleep.  Then when I wake up each morning I re-commit to my goals.  One of my goals each day is to think about what I can do to make myself just a little bit happier than yesterday. This might bring me into a teacher’s room who I have not seen for a while, a discussion I want to have with some students, helping someone or just relaxing at dinner with my family.  The focus however is just to commit to do something that will make me happier.

As in all learning the curve is not linear.  This happiness journey is not going to be one that you get happier each day than the day before.  It is also not a journey in which you end at a specific destination.  It is more like a journey in which you continue to grow.

Take one of the five suggestions above, implement them and tell me how they work.

Mental Health

I remember the day clearly, my student asked me what did I do when I found out one of our students had committed suicide.  As I told her, that I went into my younger son’s room and hugged him, I began fighting back the tears.  She came over to comfort me which was not exactly the behavior that our crisis team told us to follow.   I think however that the kids needed to see that I was human, that life was not going on like nothing happened and that the adults like students were really hurting.

A year later I found myself going to a new school embracing the work of Angela Duckworth more here and Martin Seligman flourish.  While I was teaching economics I was taking the time to have students write down  three good things that happened to them within the last 24 hours, share my three good things, put out a gratitude box, write gratitude letters, and  discuss vulnerability.  I wanted my students to master the content knowledge but more importantly walk away with skills that they can use for the rest of their life.

Our county changed our schedule in my second or third year at my present school.  While I disagreed with the change in scheduling it opened the opportunity for students to take more electives.  One of my strengths in the business world was taking bad corporate decisions and making them work for me.  I thought this was a perfect situation to do that and I proposed to teach an elective called “Positive Psychology” which was the science of how humans flourish.  My thoughts were that this class would be helpful for all students in transitioning from middle school to high school, while giving them skills to help them throughout their high school career.  What made it perfect is that all students would have an extra period to take it since we were going from seven to eight periods.

I was asked to present to our leadership team what this new course would entail.  I was surprised when some of them did not think our smartest kids needed this type of class.  It was almost like A’s meant happiness which I knew was not always true.  Some of them thought that in their departments the teachers were very positive.  Others thought that if we mandated this elective that some of their electives would not get enough support.  Still by the end of the discussion I thought we were a go.

I remember when the principal called me into her office to tell me that the leadership team did not think the course was worth doing.  I was totally shocked.  How can the leaders of our school not think that these skills were important for our students to learn?  In retrospect I now realize that I did not do a good job in presenting this proposal to the team and that our school was not ready for the change.

What is also important is to try to figure out how to continue to try to make the system better even when you are not supported.  We started a character group which consists of a group of teachers who meet to discuss issues about character.  This group also exchanges e-mails and hopefully passes these messages onto their students.  So while formally we did not get the class hopefully the message is moving throughout the school

A couple of years ago one of my former students wrote me an e-mail telling me, how her, very competitive, college was more compassionate than our high school.  How they seemed to care more about her well-being than our high school.  I remember how sad that made me and how I felt that I had let her down.  I thought back to my proposal of positive psychology and how these classes had become some of the most popular classes at many of our Ivy League schools.  How kids really did want to learn how to be happy.

Our countries schools have faced many crises since my student killed herself.  We have had school shootings, increase in anxiety and depression among students.   When these events happen we are very sad but it seems that nothing really ever changes.  Resources are not put to fixing the problems.

So what will get our schools to value our mental health in a way that we value our academic well-being?  I truly believe that the change in our school system will come from the generation that I teach today.  Some of them will become teachers, others will be parent advocates, while others will just be friends of education.  I think this is a generation of change which will make our world a better place on many different fronts.

Remember Happiness is the ultimate currency.  Think about what you are trading it for.

As always your feedback is appreciated.

Passion

This past Friday during a morning review a tad of sadness crept over me.  I realized in a short time period that I would not see these students again.  That these seniors who had dedicated themselves all year were in a short time moving on.  When first period came (also seniors) I started to explain how sad I was at the review and I started choking up.  My appreciation and love for these students started to overwhelm me.

As in most cases, giving yourself time to reflect, brings perspective to the situation.  I am now in the mindset that the journey is not over, but truthfully just beginning.  What is truly great about teaching is that you often get to see your student’s dreams come true. 

Now some students are not sure yet what their dreams are which I think is a good thing.  If I asked most students who they were going to marry they would not know but for some reason we put this pressure on them to know at 18 what they want to do for the rest of their lives. 

We need to change our mindsets about both the high school and college years.  Instead of spending time trying to think what colleges or future employers want, students need to be spending the time trying to find their passion. This search for your passion might carry on into your work life which is fine as you change jobs still looking for the one that you can spend be passionate about the rest of your life.  We do not continue to date people we do not like so why should we feel pigeon holed into a job we are not passionate about.

When I was eighteen, my parents worried about me.  I did not take school seriously (always called an underachiever) and truly did not have a career plan.  I remember when I took a job at Domino’s Pizza my father said, “you went to college to become a pizza maker” As I rose in the organization however my Dad did become proud of me.  That is what made calling him to tell him that I resigned from the company that much harder.  “You are leaving this great company (wow his tone had changed) to become a teacher, do you realize you are about to have your third child?” 

When I first started teaching I remember thinking that I wasted all these years of my life chasing different dreams.  With perspective however, I now realize chasing all those dreams allowed me to find the one that I am truly passionate about.  I have always thought that my true strategic advantage as a teacher is that I love coming to work every day and thinking about different ways to get students to learn.  This passion is what allows me to fail like a six but rebound like a ten.

I will end with a great quote” Life is messy. Get used to it.”.  And that is what makes the journey so enjoyable.