learning from failure

My team had just lost a basketball game. As I got in my dad’s car, I knew the first question he was going to ask: “What could have you done to help your team win the game”?  I learned long ago he did not want to hear how Anthony, Jim, or Bob could have played better but what I could have done to help my team win. 

As I became older, I would ask myself this question before I even talked to my Dad. It became a habit to reflect on my performance and learn from my mistakes.  I was always under the impression that people learned more from failure than they did from success. 

Recently, however, I listened to a psychology lecture about a study that made me rethink this belief. The research found that when people did not answer a math problem correctly, they did not learn from their failure. Instead, they tuned it out. Nobody likes to fail, and to protect our self-esteem, we just pretend the failure did not happen. 

So, how can we learn from failure?  The first step is to realize that everyone fails.  The psychologist giving this lecture provided many examples of her own failures.  What people do learn from are other people’s failures.  When you fail at something, you can think of what advice you would give your friend in a similar situation. 

Having a growth mindset is another way that you can learn from failure. Here are some statements that you can keep top of mind to help you: 

I love challenges because they always make me better. 

I truly believe that people can become better. 

After I make a mistake, I can always learn from it. 

I sometimes dreaded when my father forced me to think about my failures.  As time went on, however, I realized that once again he taught me a skill that would be extremely helpful throughout my life. 

Leadership

Covid-19 has brought out many different leadership styles, and that has made me think about what I need to do to become a better leader for my students.


I remember when John Madden, former coach of the Oakland Raiders (76.3 winning percentage), talked about the 1987 football strike.  He would say the players were being too greedy in their demands.  And in the next breath, he’d talk about how greedy the rich owners were being.  At those times, he really hated the game.


And when he hated the game, he would go out and have beers with the linemen.  The linemen?  I could challenge anyone to name three linemen on this year’s Super Bowl-winning Chiefs.  Most people might say they wanted to spend time with Pat Mahomes, Tom Brady or Aaron Rodgers. But the linemen?


What made Madden an outstanding coach, however, is that he truly loved the linemen.  He was not caught up in idolizing celebrity quarterbacks; he cared about the people who helped quarterbacks win.


Now, it’s easy to say that you care about people who work for you.  Every administrator I have ever worked for has told the faculty that they are the best faculty.  I, however, have developed a checklist of questions I ask myself daily to make sure that I continue to share and live John Madden’s values.


When you argue with management, are you fighting for your people?

Does it absolutely drive you crazy when your people do not have the tools to get the job done? 


If you have an appointment and your boss calls to arrange a last-minute meeting, do you tell them you cannot meet because you have an appointment with one of your people?


When you are at your lowest, do you want to hang out with the equivalent of your lineman?



If you answered “no” to any of these questions, then you do not have the love for the “little people” that made Madden successful.


My challenge to you is to ask yourself these questions each day, so that you continue to get to “yes” on all of them

stress

The coronavirus has interrupted the familiar structure of our lives: going to school, thinking about college, prom, graduation.  The stress only increases when you add in the fact that you are mostly stuck in the house. 

How do you handle this stress?  My dad would tell me to be a man, which for him would be to act as if nothing is wrong.  This is one time when I am going to go against my dad’s advice. 

Stress is our body’s natural response to adversity or challenge.  Denying that feeling is neither good for us nor for the people around us.  I think of stress as a friend preparing me for the moment.  When you have the proper mindset about stress it enhances your performance (more) 

The other day, I told my family that teaching online is more stressful to me then teaching in person.  I then explained the things about online teaching that stressed me out and what I needed to learn from those situations to reduce my stress. 

When you share your stress with others, it normalizes it.  Instead of thinking, you are the only one who feels this way, you and your friends realize that many people share in this emotion. 

Finally, think about things you can change to help you adapt to our new situation.  I know that I must be more precise in my communication with students and offer times when they can ask questions.  I also need to appreciate that, given the unstructured day, I have more time to exercise, be with family, and read. 

If we are honest with each other and ourselves about our emotions, it will help us through this difficult time.