compliments

The other day, I was about to give a compliment to a fellow teacher, but I held back.  It made think about how often this occurs and why. When I reflected further, I realized that I often missed opportunities to compliment others. 

Now, why would this be?  I know from receiving compliments that they make me feel good and often can improve my mood.  What I struggle with are my negative thoughts about how the compliment will be received and how I should word it.  This reaction often causes me to stay silent, as I do not think I will phrase it correctly. 

Erica Boothby (more here) has done research on compliments. She has found that the compliment giver underestimates the positive impact of the compliment and overestimates the negative impact.  In general, the recipient does not feel uncomfortable with the exchange. 

The research also showed that the compliment giver improved their mood.  Like many other positive acts—such as donating money, feeling gratitude, or sharing words of kindness—both the receiver and the giver get a boost. 

Therefore, the next time you are having a difficult time paying a someone a compliment, reflect on your reasons.  Remember that the receiver interprets the compliment in a positive way. 

Then go ahead and give them the compliment.  You will make their day, and just as importantly, make yourself feel better 

text or call

A student of mine asked me how we would have handled the quarantine when I was a kid. I told him that the way we would have communicated with friends was by phone. He gave me this weird look and then told me that nobody uses phones anymore. That most people just text each other. 

It made me wonder was there any advantages to texting? I then stumbled across a study that showed that if you wanted to stay close to someone or needed companionship that hearing a voice is better than receiving a text.

 

Participants were randomly assigned to connect with an old friend via phone or email. Though most people anticipated that talking by phone would be more awkward for them, those who spoke on the phone were much happier than those who exchanged emails. They left the conversations feeling much closer to the person than those who emailed their friends. 

As the winter months come up, you might find yourself more isolated. Even though it might seem old fashion pick up the phone and call a friend. 

At the end of the conversation you will feel much better. 

gratitude in a pandemic

One of our guidance counselors stopped me in the hall the other day to express concern for how many of our students were anxious and stressed out.  This did not surprise me, as we are living through a pandemic and dealing with tough social justice issues in a politically divided country. 

                                                                                                                                                                                                               The question is, what tools can we provide our students to work through these issues? 

My first thought was gratitude (more here).  Gratitude is a great way to improve mental health and can be practiced by most students.  On a personal level, I write down three good things each morning that happened to me the day before.  It is my way of starting the day off on a positive note, and it allows me to refocus on the good things that have happened to me. 

Recent research has shown that writing a gratitude letter and reading it to that person may be even more powerful.  Now, expressing gratitude to others can sometimes be awkward, especially for high school students.  You therefore should express it in the way that is easiest for you.  This might mean texting, calling, or sending an email. 

With all that is going on in this crazy world of ours, let us not wait until we are totally stressed out to try to change.  The challenge for all of us (my goal is two a day) is to show our gratitude to each other every day.