When I was a younger, I often lost my temper. My father’s response was suck it up or else. The or else usually forced me to suppress my anger in front of my father. However, that same anger was often taken out on somebody else.
What causes anger? Anger usually occurs when someone feels an injustice occurs. Usually the response to anger is like my father’s response. There is a threat of discipline, an angry response to the anger or a total disengagement by the listener. All these responses at the best suppress the anger
.
Now I remember a time during teaching where I was angry at our leadership. To be fair there were things going on in my personal life that were bothering me, but I thought the leadership was not listening at all to our students. During a faculty meeting I asked a couple of pointed questions about the topic. It was the question and the tone that I asked them in that clearly expressed my anger.
The next day the administrator approached me and asked, “are you okay?” It was not the question that was important but the facial expression and the tone in their voice. Both expressed I know you are a hurting; how can I help you.
I now realized that they were listening to me better than I ever thought. When I heard the response, I could feel the anger leaving my body and a smile came to my face. There was no longer a reason to be angry as I now knew they were listening.
The challenge then is the next time someone is angry keep engaged in the conversation. If you can determine the cause of the anger and reply with empathy there is a good chance that the anger will slowly go away.
I think that anger can come with young age and a lack of experience as well. When someone has not experienced a problem yet, they might not know how to react to it, producing fits of incontrollable rage. I know I had a very quick temper when I was young but now it's all about knowing where other people are coming from. I know, despite my intentions to avoid anger this year, that I have felt very annoyed especially in sports. I love the game I play and I like my coach very much as well. I think that I have to start thinking about the situation he is being placed in instead of remaining angry. I have to start thinking with empathy instead of rash judgment like you said above. (Chris Link)
ReplyDeleteChris, are you sure you are angry. I think you need to think about what is the injustice? If there is no injustice you might not have anger but another negative emotion.
DeletePersonally, I find that when I get angry about something, I tend to take it out on other people—even though it isn’t their fault. A lot of times, when I am angry, I don’t stay angry for a long time. Instead, I suppress that anger and remain in bad mood for the rest of the day. Of course, when one thing after another doesn’t go the way I was hoping, some of that repressed anger reappears to others who don’t deserve it.
ReplyDeleteI like what you said about empathy. Often, I find that when people are angry, I tend to avoid them. However, the idea of combating anger with empathy is a great idea! Not only could I defuse the situation, but I can also make that person’s day better! Thanks for another great post!
Chip
Chip I wonder are you angry or disappointed? They are different emotions which would need different solutions. However, empathy seems to always be a good idea.
ReplyDeleteI have been tremendously frustrated and angry this school year due to the challenging AP courses I'm taking. Despite struggling more than I have in recent memory, the support of my great teachers and parents have enabled be to push forward and not lose hope. If it wasn't for the empathy displayed towards me, my anger would be expanding greater than it ever has before.
ReplyDeleteCamden Butler
I think we all know you are trying, sometimes it takes longer than you would like but if you stay on the treadmill you will be rewarded at the end.
ReplyDeleteAnger is something that I have never really expressed very openly. When I was young, I would tend to get angry a lot, but I pushed it deep down to avoid the conflict. However, these emotions are never truly gone until you have dealt with them properly. When I talk to friends about something that is upsetting me, I instantly feel the anger slip away, feeling how trivial and stupid it was to even be angry in the first place. When they feel the same way, I need to show greater empathy, so that they might feel peace and not make the mistake of pushing it down.
ReplyDeleteThanks for this reflection.
Finn Gaudreau