Mindset

When I was a young boy I was totally interested in baseball.  I remember thinking that if your batting average was .300 you had a chance of going to the Hall of Fame while if you hit .250 you were mediocre.  The difference between greatness and mediocrity was 30 hits over the course of a year (180/600 compared to 150/600).  At the time the average regular player played 150 games a year which meant that the difference between great and average was one hit every five games.  Once I figured this out I wondered would we know who the great players were if we did not keep these statistics?  How come these great players constantly had that one extra hit every fifth game.

Jerry Grote, a great defensive catcher, talked about the mentality of hitters.  He would say that when an average hitter got a base hit early in the game they thought that they accomplished their days work.  That later in the game when they came up they did not bear down as hard because they thought that they accomplished their goal for the day.  On the other hand, the great hitters always focused as they thought after getting one hit that this was the day that they would get 3 or 4.  Grote thought that at the major league level the difference was not always talent but the mental approach to the game.  This was my first introduction to mindset and the realization that ability might not be the only factor in performance.

Now I have seen this mindset work with students.  When a B student sometimes scores an A on a test they sometimes relax on the next assessment thinking that there “B” is in the bag.  They do not have to try that hard because they will hit their goal.  These students have the ability to be A students but do not have the mindset to get it done.

I then read some amazing research done with eyesight.  At first, they tested people viewing a regular eye chart.  After recording their scores, they then tested the people on an eyechart flipped upside down (read more)  People’s showed improved eyesight with the chart flipped upside down.  The brain expected to be able to see the top lines of the chart so therefore due to that expectation people performed better.  Now again, that is not going to make a person like me who is almost blind without my glasses to see with 20/20 vision but it shows the power of mindset.

Again, I see this play out in the classroom where when some students are told the problem is going to be hard they automatically think that they can solve a problem.  For whatever reason they have convinced themselves that the problems are too hard for them.  It sometimes takes me asking them one or two questions before they can solve what seemed to them to be a complex problem.  They had the ability to solve the problem but they lacked the confidence to perform.cannot solve it.  However, when I ask them some questions they can answer the questions and solve the problem.  It is the mindset that some students have that they are not smart enough to solve the problem when they really do have the ability

So, what are my takeaways from these examples.  That the difference between good and great is not always found in the talent but sometimes in the mindset.  That the difference between good and great is not always in the talent but often in the mindset.  So how do you go about changing your mindset?

This is my last thought of the week for the year.  I truly enjoyed engaging with you in this matter and will start this again when school starts up next year.  As always your feedback is welcome.

A tribute to our seniors

As the seniors are set to walk across the stage this week I thought I would dedicate this to them.  A group of us started this journey last summer as we met once a week for about 90 minutes.  This was both an introduction to economics and each other.  Grateful that students would give up their time during the summer to get a head start on economics.

When the regular school year started the total class joined us on the journey.  During this time, we met a couple of times a week before school started to review key concepts that we had learned and bring clarity to any questions students had.  One student said to me, “I remember peeking into your room last year wondering who those nerds were that came to school so early to study.  Now I realize I am one of those nerds” I realize how much most of you have going on in your lives and truly appreciated your dedication outside the classroom.

During class this year we worked on vulnerability and trying to get students to understand we all make mistakes.  It was fun watching you add to the Bressler Blunder board which eventually led to a donut celebration.  What I truly appreciated was the great questions that came from you throughout the year.  There were often questions that were outside the curriculum (which was great) and questions that helped clarify the curriculum.  Your curiosity was inspiring.

You guys also brought changes to the classroom which will I will continue to use next year.  I now realize the impact of putting the kudo slip on student’s desks which also works with questions.  When putting either one of these on the desk it led to triple the responses.  Our list of people who were rejected from colleges made people realize that not everyone was getting into the college of their choice.  If you were rejected you were not alone.

We had a lot of truly talented people this year in economics.  What was great to see however, is how helpful each of you were to each other.  When viewing the class, I could consistently see one person helping another, making each other feel comfortable asking for help.  It is also nice to see that sometimes the person who normally gives help needed to ask for it.  It showed that most people left their egos at the door.

We then had the student walkout in which I am extremely proud of the seniors who helped organize and promote the walkout.  This group of people show their passion and determination to bring about change.  On the other side of the coin it was great to see people stay in class because they did not share the same beliefs.  Both sides of the issue handing it in a manner that was respectful of each other.

I will end with one piece of advice and one challenge.  The piece of advice is that you sit in the first three rows of every lecture class you take.  It seems the closer you are to the professor the easier it is to concentrate.  Also, the statistics show that people who sit in the first three rows get better grades than people who do not.

I will leave you with one last challenge.  You will probably go to class 18-21 hours a week in college compared to the 30-hour week in high school.  That will leave you with some free time on your hands.  Find a school near you and volunteer to tutor one student for one hour every week.  It is truly amazing how much you can accomplish one on one with a student.  The teachers will probably want to give you more than one student but stick to one the impact can be huge.  Make the world a better place one hour and one student at a time.

Thanks again for a great year.

With love, gratitude and admiration

Happiness

Positive psychology is the science of human flourishing.  What psychologists have found out is that you can improve your happiness in the same fashion you might improve in sports, school or video games.  Happiness is not just a moment in time, it is about enjoying the journey to a destination that you care about.

As a young boy my father would give me things to do each day to become a better athlete.  It might be shooting 500 jump shots or drawing a strike zone on a wall requiring me to hit specific targets in the zone.  While my father was concerned about making me a better baseball and basketball player, what I have realized today is that he taught me to love the journey.

1.      So, what are some tips that you can follow to improve your journey to happiness.  Again, as a young man cigarette companies could advertise on TV.  One company’s ad was “more taste, fine tobacco, that what happiness is” Now in the moment, when my mom lit up her cigarette, it did bring her happiness.  I can see the relaxation and smile on her face when she smoked.  However, in the long run this brought about health issues which caused her (and the family) much sadness.  So, in the journey for happiness we can not only think about short term gains but we must also think about future gains.

2.      Your mind and body work together, so that taking care of your body is very important.  Most of us are sleep deprived, make sure that you figure out how to get your proper sleep.  Work on eating healthy, and exercising to keep your body in shape.  These factors build into the happiness equation.

3.      The journey becomes more meaningful when you keep a record of it.  A gratitude journal which you keep your three good things each day is a great way to document the journey (join our gratitude page).  I also know when I am struggling and having a bad day, that the three good things become more important as they refocus my mind on what is good instead of recalling all that is bad.

4.      Think about the things that make you happy and make sure to schedule them into your life.  A lot of times in the day to day grind we lose track of what makes us happy.  It is important to schedule time to maybe eat with a friend, time to read a book or play a video game.  These little things add up as we move through out happiness journey.

5.      Recently before going to bed each night, I forgive myself and others for things that we did wrong.  When I focus on the forgiveness exercise I can totally feel my body relax as I am preparing to go to sleep.  Then when I wake up each morning I re-commit to my goals.  One of my goals each day is to think about what I can do to make myself just a little bit happier than yesterday. This might bring me into a teacher’s room who I have not seen for a while, a discussion I want to have with some students, helping someone or just relaxing at dinner with my family.  The focus however is just to commit to do something that will make me happier.

As in all learning the curve is not linear.  This happiness journey is not going to be one that you get happier each day than the day before.  It is also not a journey in which you end at a specific destination.  It is more like a journey in which you continue to grow.

Take one of the five suggestions above, implement them and tell me how they work.

Mental Health

I remember the day clearly, my student asked me what did I do when I found out one of our students had committed suicide.  As I told her, that I went into my younger son’s room and hugged him, I began fighting back the tears.  She came over to comfort me which was not exactly the behavior that our crisis team told us to follow.   I think however that the kids needed to see that I was human, that life was not going on like nothing happened and that the adults like students were really hurting.

A year later I found myself going to a new school embracing the work of Angela Duckworth more here and Martin Seligman flourish.  While I was teaching economics I was taking the time to have students write down  three good things that happened to them within the last 24 hours, share my three good things, put out a gratitude box, write gratitude letters, and  discuss vulnerability.  I wanted my students to master the content knowledge but more importantly walk away with skills that they can use for the rest of their life.

Our county changed our schedule in my second or third year at my present school.  While I disagreed with the change in scheduling it opened the opportunity for students to take more electives.  One of my strengths in the business world was taking bad corporate decisions and making them work for me.  I thought this was a perfect situation to do that and I proposed to teach an elective called “Positive Psychology” which was the science of how humans flourish.  My thoughts were that this class would be helpful for all students in transitioning from middle school to high school, while giving them skills to help them throughout their high school career.  What made it perfect is that all students would have an extra period to take it since we were going from seven to eight periods.

I was asked to present to our leadership team what this new course would entail.  I was surprised when some of them did not think our smartest kids needed this type of class.  It was almost like A’s meant happiness which I knew was not always true.  Some of them thought that in their departments the teachers were very positive.  Others thought that if we mandated this elective that some of their electives would not get enough support.  Still by the end of the discussion I thought we were a go.

I remember when the principal called me into her office to tell me that the leadership team did not think the course was worth doing.  I was totally shocked.  How can the leaders of our school not think that these skills were important for our students to learn?  In retrospect I now realize that I did not do a good job in presenting this proposal to the team and that our school was not ready for the change.

What is also important is to try to figure out how to continue to try to make the system better even when you are not supported.  We started a character group which consists of a group of teachers who meet to discuss issues about character.  This group also exchanges e-mails and hopefully passes these messages onto their students.  So while formally we did not get the class hopefully the message is moving throughout the school

A couple of years ago one of my former students wrote me an e-mail telling me, how her, very competitive, college was more compassionate than our high school.  How they seemed to care more about her well-being than our high school.  I remember how sad that made me and how I felt that I had let her down.  I thought back to my proposal of positive psychology and how these classes had become some of the most popular classes at many of our Ivy League schools.  How kids really did want to learn how to be happy.

Our countries schools have faced many crises since my student killed herself.  We have had school shootings, increase in anxiety and depression among students.   When these events happen we are very sad but it seems that nothing really ever changes.  Resources are not put to fixing the problems.

So what will get our schools to value our mental health in a way that we value our academic well-being?  I truly believe that the change in our school system will come from the generation that I teach today.  Some of them will become teachers, others will be parent advocates, while others will just be friends of education.  I think this is a generation of change which will make our world a better place on many different fronts.

Remember Happiness is the ultimate currency.  Think about what you are trading it for.

As always your feedback is appreciated.

Passion

This past Friday during a morning review a tad of sadness crept over me.  I realized in a short time period that I would not see these students again.  That these seniors who had dedicated themselves all year were in a short time moving on.  When first period came (also seniors) I started to explain how sad I was at the review and I started choking up.  My appreciation and love for these students started to overwhelm me.

As in most cases, giving yourself time to reflect, brings perspective to the situation.  I am now in the mindset that the journey is not over, but truthfully just beginning.  What is truly great about teaching is that you often get to see your student’s dreams come true. 

Now some students are not sure yet what their dreams are which I think is a good thing.  If I asked most students who they were going to marry they would not know but for some reason we put this pressure on them to know at 18 what they want to do for the rest of their lives. 

We need to change our mindsets about both the high school and college years.  Instead of spending time trying to think what colleges or future employers want, students need to be spending the time trying to find their passion. This search for your passion might carry on into your work life which is fine as you change jobs still looking for the one that you can spend be passionate about the rest of your life.  We do not continue to date people we do not like so why should we feel pigeon holed into a job we are not passionate about.

When I was eighteen, my parents worried about me.  I did not take school seriously (always called an underachiever) and truly did not have a career plan.  I remember when I took a job at Domino’s Pizza my father said, “you went to college to become a pizza maker” As I rose in the organization however my Dad did become proud of me.  That is what made calling him to tell him that I resigned from the company that much harder.  “You are leaving this great company (wow his tone had changed) to become a teacher, do you realize you are about to have your third child?” 

When I first started teaching I remember thinking that I wasted all these years of my life chasing different dreams.  With perspective however, I now realize chasing all those dreams allowed me to find the one that I am truly passionate about.  I have always thought that my true strategic advantage as a teacher is that I love coming to work every day and thinking about different ways to get students to learn.  This passion is what allows me to fail like a six but rebound like a ten.

I will end with a great quote” Life is messy. Get used to it.”.  And that is what makes the journey so enjoyable.

emotional intelligence

You receive an e-mail which can consist of a policy you’re totally against, a criticism from a friend or some feedback that just gets your blood boiling.  Immediately you want to type out a reply to prove to the other person that they are wrong.  Dan Goleman (more here) would describe the above with the phrase emotional hijacking, where your emotions over power your cognitive thought.

President Lincoln understood the importance of overcoming the emotions that go along with criticism.  When Lincoln perceived criticism he would wait twenty four hours before he returned the response.  In waiting this time Lincoln was better able to reflect upon the criticism without his emotions getting in the way.  He often realized that his critics had some valid points which helped Lincoln improve as a President.  This advice is probably more important today than ever before with the 24 hours scrutiny of social media

John Harbaugh (Raven’s Head Football Coach) and Steve Bisciotti (Raven’s owner) have a similar arrangement.  They have both agreed that talking about the game right after it is completed is not going to do either one of them any good.  There is still too much raw emotion for constructive feedback to take place.  So they do not discuss the game until 24 hours have passed.  This gives both of them time to recognize and understand each other’s emotions.

Nobody likes criticism, what we have to realize is that it is more important to get things right then to be right.  So recently while listening to a podcast I heard a psychologist discuss how she handled criticism of her work.  She decide not to dig her heels in and defend her work.  Instead she joined forces with the person who criticized her so that she could better understand the perspective he and others had on her work.  This type of mindset allows you to be open to learning and taking different viewpoints.  It allows you to improve upon your work instead of defending it.

So being a New Yorker, I have the tendency to push back harder when I am pushed.  What I have observed in my own behavior is that within a couple of hours I regret my actions.  Now what I am trying to do is make generous assumptions.   So instead of thinking the person is attacking me I try to think that they are trying to help me.  The whole change in mindset often allows me to respond differently to the criticism and use it more as a learning tool.   Instead of emotional back and forth, I am getting a more constructive conversation in which I am learning and growing.

Now have I perfected this?  No.  Sometimes I still have to go home, take a deep breath and admit that my emotions were hijacked.  How would of the conversation been different if I had made a generous assumptions?  Why did I take it personally?  What are the different perspectives that I was not taking into account? 

So the next time you receive criticism, take a deep breath, remember the examples above, and try to give yourself time to gather perspective.  LISTEN LIKE YOU ARE WRONG.

As always your feedback is welcome

Trust

 

In the last couple of weeks, people have asked me how do you find your critical friends.  Who do you know to trust?  When I worked in the business world our company slogan was. “It is the 1,000 little things that make us great” I think it is the same thing about trust, it is the little things that earn trust.

My first day at my present school I was walking down the hall going to my class.  A teacher stopped me and said, “You are going to have a great experience here, let me know what I can do to help you”.  That opening comment started a friendship that to this day is built on trust and mutual respect.

John Gottman (gottman), a psychologist who studies relationships, call these small moments’ sliding door moments.  They are these everyday opportunities in which you can build or lose trust.  I remember when I first heard about sliding door moments I realized how many times things slip away not from being malicious but from being mindless.

I remember one day I started reviews with students at 7:00 AM.  During my off period and lunch, students were in my room for help, and making up some work.  When I was done helping the last student I realized that I had about five minutes to relax before my next class and a review session after school.  As I sat down to relax a student came up to me and asked, “Can you grade my free response now?”

My first response was no.  When I saw the look on her face when the no came out of my mouth I realized I had made a big mistake.  I quickly said, “come back I will grade the free response with you” I will never forget the look on her face as she came back to my desk.  Her face showed me that I made a remarkable recovery and saved this sliding door moment.

Now could I have rationalized that I had been teaching all day?  Of course, nobody would have argued that I did not deserve that five minute break to myself.  However it is these micro moments in which I truly believe that trust is built or broken.  I had built a better relationship with a student and that was certainly worth the five minutes of my free time.

Trust is also never built upon gossip.  While most people love to pass along gossip to each other, friendships that are built upon gossip are very rarely ones of trust.  You cannot help but wonder what do these people say about me when I am not around?  How can I trust someone who reveals others secrets so freely?

Do the big things matter, yes they do.  I have some friends who I will say, this stays in the vault.  Which means what we just discussed stays between us.  Those friends have had many sliding door moments in which they have earned my trust so it is easy for me to become vulnerable with them.

I will close with a quote from Henry Stimson, Secretary of War under FDR, Trust takes years to build, seconds to lose and forever to repair” Make the most of those sliding door moments.

 

As always your comments and thoughts are appreciated.