Nuggets from Angela Duckworth

 

A group of us recently had the opportunity to hear Dr. Angela Duckworth speak about her new book, Situated. I took three pages of notes that night, which is probably a good indication that there was a lot to think about.

Rather than try to capture everything she said, I want to share four ideas that stuck with me.

1. Space Matters

The first lesson was about our surroundings.

Dr. Duckworth shared research showing that students who keep their phones in another room while studying tend to perform better than students who simply keep their phones nearby. The lesson is simple:  the best way to exercise self-control is to remove the temptation altogether.

That idea hit home for me.

I am trying to cut down on snacking, and I have discovered that it is much easier when the snacks are out of sight. If the cookies are sitting on the kitchen counter, I must make a decision every time I walk by. If they are somewhere I can't see them, I don't have to make that decision nearly as often.

We often think getting better is about having more discipline. Sometimes it is simply about creating an environment that makes the right choice easier.

2. Peers Matter

The second lesson was about the people we surround ourselves with.

Our friends, teammates, and classmates influence us more than we probably realize. The people we spend time with shape what we see as normal, acceptable, and expected.

That doesn't mean we need to abandon friends who think differently than we do. But it does mean we should be intentional about who we spend our time with.

Find people who challenge you. Find people who encourage you. Finding people who will help you do the right hard thing when doing the easy thing would be more comfortable.

We become, in part, the people we spend time with.

HELPFUL HINT: -exchange goals with a peer.  Research shows that we would rather let ourselves down than a peer

 

3. Seek Out Mentors

The third lesson was the importance of mentors.

There are people who have walked roads we are just beginning to travel. They have made mistakes, learned lessons, developed expertise, and built relationships that can help us see possibilities we might not see on our own.

But mentorship doesn't always begin with someone offering to be your mentor.

It often begins with curiosity.

Ask thoughtful questions. Listen carefully. Be genuinely interested in what other people have learned. Show up prepared. Follow up. And, most importantly, be willing to learn.

People are generally more willing to invest in someone who is curious, humble, and willing to listen.

INTERESTING FACT: Michael Phelps coach explains that what made Michael great was that he practiced everyday at a 8.  You do not need to be perfect every day but rather be consistently good.

4. Culture Matters

The fourth lesson was about culture, the broader environments in which we live and work and the norms, expectations, and values that determine "how we do things around here."

Culture is powerful because much of it operates beneath the surface.

We don't always stop to think about why we behave in a certain way. We simply observe what everyone else is doing and follow along.

That can work for us or against us.

When we have the opportunity, we should choose environments where the culture reinforces the person we are trying to become. Look for places where hard work is expected, where people support one another, where doing the right thing matters, and where growth is part of the culture.

The Better Question

As I thought about these four ideas—space, peers, mentors, and culture—I kept coming back to one question.

Maybe the challenge isn't simply to ask:

"How can I get better?"

Maybe the better question is:

"With whom, and under what conditions, do I become better?"