Recently, a former student emailed me about their new job. They were extremely excited about the opportunity but felt they did not belong. They kept talking about how smart everyone was in the company and that they did not feel that they were of this caliber.
My first question was, “Do you think your boss is smart?” They quickly replied yes. Then I said, trust them that they knew what they were doing when they hired you. If it’s a new job, new school, or even a higher-level class, the people who put you in those places know that you belong there.
Secondly, I explained that most people go through the experience of feeling like they don’t belong. They might not express it or are just better at faking it. It’s important to realize that you are not the only person going through it. Given time, most people find that they do belong in that organization, school, or class.
What can people with more experience do to help? Share your past experiences with any newcomer to the space. Explain that you had doubts about belonging at first and that now you are doing really well. Once people realize that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, it allows them to feel like they belong.
Most importantly, accept these people for their authentic selves. If people cannot truly be themselves, then they cannot feel like they belong. Belonging is a powerful emotion, which allows workers and students to maximize performance.
The challenge for all of us with experience is to reach out to someone and help them feel like they belong. I know the difference that made in new jobs when people did versus when they didn’t.
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