Strategies for Stress

 

Covid has brought out a lot of stress in all of us.  While I would not encourage people to look for additional stressors, there are ways to handle stress that can be beneficial instead of harmful.

As we approach the halfway point of the school year, many students are facing midterms, which can be stressful.  In one research study, a group of students was told to think of stress as helpful—that breathing harder got more oxygen to your brain, that stress made you more focused, and that people who thought stress was good for them performed better on exams.

The control group was told what many teachers say to their students: Relax, take a deep breath, you will be okay.  The group that thought stress was helpful outperformed the group that was told to relax.  When you are preparing for your next exam, remember that the stress response is helping you maximize your achievement.

The second strategy is to form a t-chart.  On the left side of the chart, list all the stressors that you have in your life.  On the right side of the chart, list the resources you have to handle those stressors.  As educators, we want to be on the right side of our student’s charts, but I suspect we often slip onto the left side.  It is important to realize that while you have stressors, you also have resources that can help you handle that stress.

Thirdly, realize that you are not the only one going through these stressful times.  People often feel that admitting they are overwhelmed or stressed out is a sign of weakness.  The truth is that many of us are going through the same thing but might be doing a better job hiding it.

Is it easy to change your mindset about stress?  Is it easy to ask for help and use your resources?  The answer for many of us is no.  It is hard work to change mindsets.  What we have to strive to do is the hard right thing instead of the easy wrong one.

The challenge for all of us is to reach out for help when we need it and, of course, to be there to help those who are in need.

Advice

 

A former student recently got in touch with me to ask for some career advice.  While my response was focused on the workplace, I think it can also apply to school.

My first recommendation was to volunteer for the hard jobs at work.  When you are taking on the most difficult tasks, it will force you to take your game to the next level.  The same would be true for those attending college: Take some difficult classes with tough teachers.  When you are uncomfortable, it forces you to stretch yourself.

Secondly, be a great learner.  If there is one strategic advantage a person can have in the workplace, it is the ability to learn.  If you are a great learner, you will be flexible because you are able to adjust to different situations.  While nobody can truly predict the future, those who learn and adapt will be able to thrive.

Do not worry about what you have to do to be promoted.  Focus on the job you are doing and do it to the best of your ability.  Allow your performance to speak for itself.  The same can be applied to those in college.  Do not worry about building your resume.  Instead, focus on figuring out what you enjoy and what you want to pursue as a career.

Finally, yet importantly, develop a network of strong friends—people who you can trust to help you solve difficult problems and who will rein you in when you are off base.  All jobs have their down moments, and these are often the people who will provide support when you need it most.

My former student asked me if I followed my own advice.  I let him decide.  Hope this is helpful and would love to hear some feedback from both those in the business and academic world.

Power of Negative thinking

 Recently a student asked me if I believed in the power of positive thinking. They wanted certain things to happen and were trying to will them into being, yet these goals were not coming true. 

I remembered a research study I had read in which participants all wanted to lose at least 40 pounds. The control group was told to think about positive thoughts: how they would look, compliments they would receive from their friends, how much healthier they would be, and how this might improve their romantic lives.

 

The experimental group was told to think about what they would feel like if they did not lose the weight, the obstacles blocking them from hitting the goal, and their friends not noticing any weight loss. 

What happened was surprising. The group that thought negatively about the goal lost 10 more pounds on average than the group who had positive thoughts. Psychologists speculate that when you think negative thoughts, it triggers your body into action, which gets you to move toward your goal. 

With this research in mind, Gabriele Oettingeno developed a process called WOOP (more here). stands for Wish, Outcome, Obstacles, and Plan.  

Before you start, I recommend shutting down all your electronics. Then take five minutes and think about a wish that is achievable, challenging, and important to you. Try getting this wish down to 3-6 words. 

Secondly, close your eyes and think about what is the best outcome of accomplishing your wish. Visualize the feeling you will have if you accomplish your wish. 

Thirdly, you switch gears and think about the obstacles that might prevent you from hitting your goals. Is the obstacle an excuse or something you can overcome? 

Lastly, you develop a plan to overcome the obstacle. So, when the obstacle occurs, you have already developed a plan to handle it. 

WOOP has been successful in improving grades, weight loss, and time management. I challenge you to think about something important to you and use WOOP to accomplish it. 

power of conflict

 The Wright brothers (Wilbur and Orville) were known to get into heated debates as they were trying to engineer the first airplane.  Their debates were so rigorous that at times they would switch and take the other side.  Their argumentative style of discussion is often cited as one of the reasons that they were able to successfully build the first aircraft. 

That makes you wonder if conflict is good in the decision-making process.  Adam Grant, a psychology professor at Wharton, states that it matters what type of conflict.  He differentiates task conflict from personal conflict. 

Personal conflict is the type of conflict most of us do not like.  The debate turns into name-calling and judgment. However, task conflict—if done in moderation—can be extremely helpful.  Task conflict is disagreement about the process, not the person.  It’s when both parties are debating not to win the debate, but to learn more about the process. 

To me, here is where critical friends come into play.  A critical friend is a person who you trust to tell you the truth.  When they disagree with you or provide you with feedback, you know that they want to help you grow, not tear you down. 

Whenever I have an important decision or am thinking about some new ideas, I run them by a group of my critical friends.  I do not always get the feedback I want to hear, but after discussing the idea, I have a much clearer view of what I need to do before I go forward. 

Therefore, the challenge is to put together a list of friends you use when you are in the decision-making process. This group may vary depending on the type of decision, but ultimately the feedback you receive will be beneficial. 

The power of questions

 

 

Recently one of my friends made a statement that I totally disagreed with.  My first thought was to respond “Are you crazy But instead, I asked a series of questions that helped me understand his viewpoint.  What I realized after the conversation is that asking questions has been part of my life ever since I can remember.

In the business world, I would ask questions to find out what was going on in different parts of the company.  I also found that asking questions could provide great feedback.  One of my favorite questions was, “If you were president of the company, what changes would you make?”

I always enjoyed hearing the answers.  People were totally honest and realistic in their suggestions.  And most of the time, I could implement the changes quickly, which made frontline workers feel that they had a stake in the organization. They were also more open to suggest things in the future.

Now, as a teacher, I encourage students to ask questions so that they can gain the knowledge they need to be successful.  Tony Robbins says that “successful people ask better questions, and as a result, they get better answers.”

You can also ask questions that are transformational in nature.  One of my mentors recently asked me what memories I want to make this year.  They also asked if there was anything I wanted to do but have not yet done. In both cases, they offered their assistance to help me accomplish these goals while pushing me to think beyond my limits.

Questions are a powerful tool in allowing you to be both informed and transformed.  My challenge to all of us is to really think about and ask the type of questions that will make a difference.

Marble Jar

 

Last week, I was having a difficult day at work, which caused me to withdraw some marbles from my gratitude jar. What is a gratitude jar? It’s a symbolic jar in which I put in a marble for everything I feel grateful for each day, so when a hard day comes along, I have built up enough positives to get me through it.

Psychologist Rick Hanson says “the brain is like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” Our brain’s negativity bias means we remember difficult moments far more than we remember their positive counterparts.

To counteract this negativity bias, I do two exercises. One is writing down three good things each day. At first, it can be difficult to find three good things (there’s negativity bias at work). However, as I trained my brain, it has become easier. What I have realized is that my gratitude jar is filled up, and when an adverse event comes along, I often think about all the good things that have happened to me.

Secondly, I form a T chart of things that energize me and things that suck up my energy. I am energized by learning new things, by teaching students, and by seeing improvement in both myself and others. I try to schedule more of these types of things in my life. On the other hand, I do not like to manage adults. So, when given the chance to chair a committee or head up a project, I politely decline.

The challenge is to focus on what energizes you. Fill your marble jar up with grateful memories that you can save, so they are easy to turn to when you need them. Hopefully, both of these exercises will make you more resilient in the future.

Are You certain?

 If you asked me 10 years ago what was the best way to teach, I am sure that I would have given you an answer. I also think that my answer would have been phrased in such a way that my approach was the best. Now, however, I am less certain of most things and more curious. 

When another teacher suggests a different strategy or method, I am now much more inclined to ask questions so that I can understand the reasoning. I’ll go watch them teach so that I can see the context of these strategies. What I now realize more than ever is that there are many ways to get students to learn. 

I am trying to apply this to approach all areas of my life. It now amazes me how certain some people are about so many issues. If Covid has taught me anything, it’s that there is no certainty. As we learn more about the disease, the science changes, as does how we should try to keep ourselves safe. 

This is not to say I do not have an opinion. However, instead of trying to prove myself right or judging how others think, I will think about what the other side of the argument is.  

One of the goals of school is to get students to think critically—to take in all sides of an issue and allow the newfound facts to change your mind. 

My challenge to everyone is to reach out to a person who thinks differently than you. I think you will find out in the end that, even if they have a different perspective, they want the same things out of life that you do. 

While I am not certain is this right approach, I am curious about your thoughts.