a nudge toward honesty

This week I asked my students if I gave them a take home quiz what percent would take it honestly.  I was truly shocked when a student stated 5% would do it honestly.  I was more surprised when some of the best students said that they might look up an answer to a question that stumped them.  WOW was my first thought where have we went wrong.


As usual perspective has a way of shining a different light on the situation.  The next day, when I came down off my high horse, I realized that these temptations come to all of us.  Do I not sometimes think when I am on a diet that I have been good so this one donut would not hurt.  


Why do we waver at certain times?  Rationalization is the reason.  We think that nobody is getting hurt by this, or everyone copies homework if I do not, I will be at a disadvantage.  One of the problems is that if we want something bad enough (like good grades) our reasoning is often biased.


Now I realize that many people think the best way to solve this problem is with the stick.  Yes, punish the people who cheat harshly, and others will not cheat.  However, how do we prevent people from cheating when they cannot be caught.  How do I not eat that donut when nobody is looking?


The answer is you express gratitude.  When you are grateful you not only treat the person, who was nice to you better but you would treat complete strangers better.  In a research study people who thought about a time when they were grateful cheated less.  The more grateful they felt the less they cheated.


Gratitude is an amazing thing.  It makes you happier, nicer, keeps you healthier and now even makes you more honest.  


So, the next time you feel that you the urge to cut corners and cheat, which we all do, just think about something that you are truly grateful about.  This should give you the inner strength to do the right thing even when nobody is looking.

College process-No worries

Last week many of my students gave me positive feedback on my blog about worrying.  As I teach mainly seniors many of them talked about worrying about college applications and the acceptance process.  In response to those concerns I decided to write what seems like my once a year discussion of the college process. 

My first thought don't panic.  I know many students who did not go to their first or second choice of schools and had a great college career.  The truth is that your number one choice is usually not based on a lot of information, maybe a quick visit, your tour guide and the reputation of the school. You probably gather more information on a person who you date for the first time.  I have believed for a long time that the STUDENT is more important than the school.  All schools allow you the opportunity to learn, cultivate your passion and be successful.

Secondly, one of the brightest students I have ever taught was all set to go to NYU to study psychology.  When one day she found out that all her funding disappeared, and she had to go to Towson.  She was angry (read last week’s blog about anger) and went to Towson with a horrible attitude.  After a couple of months, she fell in love with the school and has finished her PHD in psychology. 

Now we must reflect upon the purpose of going to college.  If that purpose is to learn, grow and cultivate your passion you can accomplish that at many different colleges.  Most colleges will allow you to grow socially, emotionally and intellectually.

So take a deep breath and relax.  You will get into college.  Then once you are accepted it is your job to make it the best experience you can make it

Anger

When I was a younger, I often lost my temper.  My father’s response was suck it up or else.  The or else usually forced me to suppress my anger in front of my father.  However, that same anger was often taken out on somebody else.

What causes anger?  Anger usually occurs when someone feels an injustice occurs.  Usually the response to anger is like my father’s response.  There is a threat of discipline, an angry response to the anger or a total disengagement by the listener.  All these responses at the best suppress the anger
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Now I remember a time during teaching where I was angry at our leadership.  To be fair there were things going on in my personal life that were bothering me, but I thought the leadership was not listening at all to our students.  During a faculty meeting I asked a couple of pointed questions about the topic.  It was the question and the tone that I asked them in that clearly expressed my anger.


The next day the administrator approached me and asked, “are you okay?”  It was not the question that was important but the facial expression and the tone in their voice.  Both expressed I know you are a hurting; how can I help you.


  I now realized that they were listening to me better than I ever thought.  When I heard the response, I could feel the anger leaving my body and a smile came to my face.   There was no longer a reason to be angry as I now knew they were listening.


The challenge then is the next time someone is angry keep engaged in the conversation.  If you can determine the cause of the anger and reply with empathy there is a good chance that the anger will slowly go away.