I was having one of those weeks in which things were not going my way. My children were sick, there were some stressors at school, and is often my way I took it out on the wrong person. The next day the person came up to me and asked, “are you okay, is there anything I can do for you?” Instead of being mad or judgmental about how I acted they were being kind to me.
I realized that this kindness surely helped me, but can it help the person being kind? Sonja Lyubomirsky tested this in her lab. She had a group of people that were instructed to do five good things one day a week for six weeks. As examples the participants were told that they can feed a parking meter of a stranger, help a person study for a test, or write a thank you note.
The results were that these people who committed kindness over the course of the study showed an increase in happiness
The character lab (kindness) suggests that we ask ourselves these questions
- I pay attention to what other people want or need to try to figure out how I can help.
- I go out of my way to do favors for others, speak up to support them, share what I have, or simply listen when they need a friend.
- I consciously make small sacrifices to be kind to others, like taking a few minutes to do an extra chore or listening to a story even if I’m not in the mood for it.
- I try to think about how much my actions mean to others instead of how much of a burden they are for me.
In the
above story my friend paid attention to what I needed and tried to figure out a
way to help me. So, I am going to focus
in the next couple of weeks on trying to get better on the first question. I challenge you to pick one of these out and
try to improve.
After all,
not only does kindness make others happy but it also improves our own
happiness.
As
always, I appreciate your feedback.
Often in life when someone suffers from a bad day or even a bad situation, it is easy to quickly take it our on someone. Instead of doing so, taking a breath and realizing that the person just wants to be there for you is important to realize the demonstration of kindness that is needed.
ReplyDeleteI think out of the four aspects that are suggested, I could work the most on is the second one, or speaking up for others. Its very easy to go against the ones that are already being ganged up against in a social situation. I want to try to work on stepping in instead of staying quiet. By doing that, I can be a strong model for others that feel the same why I do in a situation like that, which is an effective way of handling the issue according to Lyubomirsky.
ReplyDelete- Sam Vermette
I think the second one is very hard. It is one I need to work on because it might slow down some of the ganging up and make people take a different perspective
DeleteI try to do all four of these things, but sometimes I do not realize that one of my friends or some one around me is unhappy or not feeling too well because I might be thinking about other things. But I have seen how much a few words of encouragement or little actions can impact another person who is having a terrible day. Usually, when something like this happens and I make them happier, I also become happier knowing that whatever I did helped make that person's day better.
ReplyDelete- Matthew Tao
It is truly important to be kind to others not only for their best interest but for our own as well. I have put this into practice before in order to try to boost my morale. For example, if i am having a bad day, instead of sulking in my bedroom or in my basement, I will clean the kitchen or help do the laundry. I find that helping with chores often makes me feel more productive and gives me the boost i need to get back on my feet.
ReplyDelete-mike campbell
Matt, it is easy to get lost in our own world. Mike totally agree with you that the best thing to do when you are down is help someone else. Sometimes it is hard but it is very beneficial
DeleteI think that is absolutely true that if you consistently act random acts of kindness you will absolutely feel better for yourself afterwards. It is more than likely simply human nature as intellectual creatures to enjoy seeing others being happy. This experience can probably also felt for other species like dogs, aquatic mammals and elephants. If there were a way to develop a happiness test for an elephant i am sure it would have a similar endorphin spike similar to humans. Also, i do find that we, in society, forget the struggles of the person right next to us and assume that everything is fine with them. We need to be more generous with one another and realize that we all have those bad days or even consistently have to deal with family trouble.
ReplyDelete- Henry Jones
Humans are innately social creatures, and will seek out and utilize social behaviors in order to feel satisfaction. I find that people find fulfillment through kindness because kindness is inherently social. This is why people who are not social are often suffering from mental illnesses, because they have deal with chemical imbalances from not getting the release of being social.
ReplyDelete--Jack Basmaci
After reading this post, I realize that I have also become subject to these same impulses. I've treated others based on the current status of my mood and that may not always be the best for both parties. It's not hard for me to believe this study is true because I usually get a boost in spirit after I do something positive for somebody. I will try to focus more on the second task, going out of my way to do favors for others.
ReplyDelete- Izzy Nnadozie
DeleteI rarely ever do any of the 4 aspects of kindness. But i think this is due to society telling me that kindness is not a necessity. I want to start to use the 4 methods of kindness and to stop worrying all about myself and my own happiness. I believe that if i focus on spreading more happiness than maybe i will receive the happiness that i am producing. -- Anthony Perrera
ReplyDeleteAnthony let me know how this works out for you. I think you will be happier and make those around you happier
ReplyDeleteFor me, I think it's hard for me to not see everything I do as a burden for most days. It seems so tasking yet it helps others and gives them leisure in their day. I often feel stuck in a bubble of burdens as my day goes on and nothing will make it go away. Maybe trying to have an idea of that maybe people might do something for me one day could help lessen the burden of doing for others.
ReplyDelete-Michael Brown
I am often in a similar situation. I tend to take out my anger or frustration on people who had nothing to do with why I am angry. I have tried many many things to attempt to minimize this. I will definitely be trying this as well. I will try to be more kind to others and not take out my anger on those who were not even involved. Thank you for this post.
ReplyDelete--Will Cook
It makes sense that helping others would boost one's own happiness because we humans are social creatures. We enjoy hanging around others and giving each other happiness. I personally feel pretty happy when I tutor other students because I have helped another student gain understanding in a subject. Tutoring is also a useful method of studying for the tutor as well because teaching someone else is a very good test of one's knowledge on a subject.
ReplyDelete-Rishi
DeleteHelping others almost always makes me feel better as well as them. I generally do these four acts of kindness but I could work on the second one. I could work on speaking up for people in order to support them. Even though I would support them, I do not really speak up about that.
ReplyDelete~Nick Bush
Happiness is a quality that naturally gives humans a better outlook on life. For me personally, whenever I do nice things for others, whether I know them or not, I feel better as a human. It makes my day feel like it had a purpose. Random acts of kindness are what allows for every day to be special. As students our normal routine begins to feel very repetitive and it is only through happiness achieved through helping others that makes everyday feel special.
ReplyDelete- Andrew Guidi
I experienced this phenomena while visiting my grandmother several weeks back. I had just been coming from track practice and I was drained. Our normal encounters just involves us talking and relaxing around the house; but on this day she needed work done to her computer that she couldn't understand. Me- exhausted and weak, spent nearly an hour helping her. I felt physically downtrodden afterwards but mentally I appreciated the time I spent. More often than not people want to protect themselves by building a sort of wall around their emotions or things they want to preserve. The idea of 'taking care of yourself first' runs deep throughout our community.
ReplyDelete-Amondo Lemmon
DeleteI love this last one: I try to think about how much my actions mean for other people, rather than how much a burden they are to me.
ReplyDeleteI think we can also reverse that, to consider times when weworry about being a burden to other people, when we recognize (abd maybe feel terrible) that we can never repay an act of kindness.
What if we allowed ourselves to indulge in the love of someone who knew how much their actions would mean for us, rather than distance ourselves from that loving gesture because we think of ourselves as a burden (even if that's not as our helper sees it - because they're exemplifying the above advice!)