Empathy

                                                            Empathy

In our school we are trying to change the climate of our school so that every child feels that they have at least one adult in the building who cares about them.  As we push to be a more caring faculty we realize that we not only have to show empathy to the students but to each other. (empathy quick two minute video)

Empathy can be hard to do.  When people come to us with problems we tend to try to diminish the problem which does not truly help.  Sometimes nothing can make it better except for a person listening, taking your perspective, not judging you and connecting with you.  There are a couple of examples that happened  this week that really showcase empathy in action and how it can make a difference.

On a personal note I was having a couple of bad days.  As happens with me at times, I take this out on people who had no impact on why I was feeling down.  I have some people in my life which I call my critical friends.  They are the people who in my life will point out when I am not living my values.   When my friend pointed this out to me, I totally agreed and apologized for my actions.  They made sure that I knew that they were not judging me but instead trying to help me.

The no judgement part was great to hear.  I tend to beat myself up about these types of things.   The next day as I was getting more back to myself, my friend made sure to see me during my off period.  Just checking in on me to see how my day was going and what they could do to make it better.  Again, there was no focus on my poor behavior but the focus was on, I am here if you need me, which brought a smile to my face.

Many times, we get so caught up in the behavior that we do not step back and think what causes this person to act this way?  Recently a student acted out of character.  Instead of talking to the student about the behavior and how unacceptable it was (which she already knew) we talked about what caused her to act that way.  As we continued to talk about what caused the behavior I could feel our bond getting stronger which is what she needed.  Someone to listen to her and understand what was really troubling her.  At the end she said, ‘I just needed to talk to someone”

 I truly recommend a critical friend, a person who you trust is going to have the strength to tell you when you are off track and who you know is only doing it for your benefit.  Changing habits is hard to do and what I have found is that the critical friend provides feedback which allows you to grow.  It is also sometimes easier to change when you are working together with someone else.

A national survey of students reported that 8-10 students said that they would be kinder if they knew just one adult in the building cared about them.  My guess is that is probably true of all of us, if we know someone cares about us it gets us to act with kindness and gratitude. 

I will leave you with this quote, “Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about” Be kind, to yourself and others, it really makes a difference.  Forgive yourself at night, and recommit to your goals in the morning.

Please feel free to comment below as I would love to have a conversation.  Here is a link to another video about empathy that you might enjoy.  health care