Unity Part 2

This week we have a special guest columnist.  He is one of the best educators I know.  Thank you Pat Dobmeier for this inspirational piece.

I felt like a hypocrite.   

For 17 years, I told my students to persist even when things were bleak.  For 17 years, I tried to teach them not what to think, but how to think.  For 17 years, I emphasized the importance of empathy and respect.  For 17 years, I shared motivational quotations with them to remind them to look at the big picture

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But I was becoming disillusioned.  I couldn’t sleep at night.  I could not stop thinking about how divided we were as a nation—in seemingly every way imaginable.  I felt helpless. 

How could I try to instill hope in my students when I was starting to feel hopeless myself? 

So, I decided to do something.  

I wrote a letter to my children—they are too young (5 and 2) to understand any of it, but I poured out my heart to them.  I told them how much I love them, and I told them some of the thoughts running through my head, including how to create a better country for them and every other child.   

Then I contacted a small group of former students with an idea I had about trying to unite Americans.   You might ask, “Why would he contact former students?”  Because, outside of my family and close friends, my students are the most important people in my life.  Because I trust and value them.  Because they are better examples of what America should be than many of the people with the largest platforms.  Because when people would tell me that they’re giving up on humanity, I tell them that I wish they could meet my students. 

For 17 years, my students have taught me countless life lessons.  One of the most powerful ones is at an event held at our high school called Cultural Coalescence.  The structure is simple: students sign up for a country—either one related to their ancestry or one that interests them—and they represent that country throughout the day in the gymnasium.  Everyone in the school gets to “tour” the countries, learn their history, hear their music, watch their dances, and even taste their cuisine.  By the end of the day, the lessons learned are clear: every individual in the school is valued, our diversities should be celebrated, and we share so many similarities as humans. 

The students at our high school come from all walks of life and represent every imaginable background.  And we thrive together.  When I look at them, I recognize the traits I want to see in America: respect, empathy, diligence, and the willingness to listen, learn, and work together. 

The three weeks since I contacted my former students have been a whirlwind.  A group stepped up as leaders.  Bria built a website.  They shared their voices. 

Our gamble is this: we believe that there are millions of people in our country who feel the way we do.  Although the divisiveness in our country is deep-seated, we believe loud voices, social media, and television amplify it.  We believe that unity can be stronger.   

Therefore, we are trying to bring people together.  The short-term goal is to spread awareness and provide a platform for people to share their voices.  The long-term goal is to raise money for a group of former students to travel across America to meet people.  It goes back to my belief that if people met my students, perceptions could change.   

I stopped feeling like a hypocrite.   

We need to be better as a country.  We can solve the issues plaguing us.  But only if we do it together.  It will not be politicians or celebrities who redeem us.  It will be we, the people.     

Please visit us at http://teachtounite.com     

Unity

I was excited to see an email from one of the best educators I know.  In his email he was describing his frustration with how divided our country seemed to be.  That every issue seemed to divide us and neither side would budge.

Almost all problem solving requires some sort of compromise.  What I have found myself often doing on occasions is not listening to the other person but instead trying to prove that I am correct.  I now realize that this never changes the other persons mind and pushes them further away.  Compromise is more likely to happen if we can identify with the person on the other side of the dispute.

So how do we form trust with people who have opposing views?  We all need to look around and find a person who thinks differently than we do.  Then find a way to connect with that person.  Sit next to them in the cafeteria, invite them out for coffee, or even have a virtual meeting.

Remember, the purpose of meeting with the other person is not to change their mind.  What you are trying to do is build trust.  Do not talk at first about controversial topics but instead find some common ground.

When meeting with people who have unlike views keep this in mind

1-     Listen to understand

2-     Speak from the heart

3-     Stay at it, these is truly a time to show your GRIT

The challenge to everyone who is reading this (and myself) is to step out of your comfort zone and reach out.  If we all do this we will move together to help bring our classes, schools, communities and country together.

Peer pressure

This week, there is a guest .  If anyone ever wants to write a guest column I would love it.

If imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, my three-year-old really lays it on thick for her big sister. She wears the same clothes, reads the same books, sings the same songs, and even tries to finish her sister’s sentences. I often try to convince my younger kid to think for herself—and she often does—but recently, I stopped myself, realizing how lucky she is to have a kind, compassionate, creative big sibling to walk alongside.

Conformity gets a bad rap. It conjures up images of peer pressure and bullying, driven by our unscratchable itch to fit in. Yet there’s almost nothing more human. We are a herd species, and throughout our history, societies have succeeded by cooperating and coordinating. As such, one of our most powerful instincts is to be part of something greater than ourselves—to find where others are and join in.

Luckily, social influence can be a potent force for positive behaviors. People are more likely to vote and conserve energy when they see others around them do the same. Kindness and empathy are contagious as well. In one set of studies, my colleagues and I found that people who witnessed others donating to charity and expressing concern for others tended to follow suit. And a recent meta-study found that prosocial acts like helping and generosity spread across people.

What can you do with this information? First, remember that the people around you are part of your environment. Like the air you breathe and the food you eat, their opinions, attitudes, and actions work their way into you—so try to keep the healthiest company you can. Second, you should remember that you are someone else’s environment, and might have more power to affect them than you realize.

Don’t listen to voices just because they’re the loudest. Explain to the young people in your life that bullies and extremists take up more than their fair share of airtime, and they try to convince people that if they want to fit in, they must fall in line.

Do make kindness loud. When you elevate, celebrate, and highlight positive behaviors—in yourself and others—you also make those actions more likely to spread.

With kindness and gratitude,

Jamil

Jamil Zaki, an associate professor of psychology at Stanford University, is the author of The War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World.