Character

 This is written by one of the most positive educators I know.  I am always happy to post a blog from a guest so if you are interested send something along.  Thanks Pat for this great post.

When I was a kid growing up in Rochester, New York, I started a bad habit at an early age: if something didn’t go my way, I’d blame somebody else for my misfortune rather than admit that I had made a mistake or could have worked harder.  When I slammed my sister’s hand in a door, I blamed her for teasing me.  When my team lost, I blamed the refs.  If I did poorly in a class, I blamed my teacher.   

 

I don’t know when the shift occurred, but I now find myself looking inward when things don’t go well.  I take responsibility and try to grow.  As a teacher, I take ownership if one of my students is underperforming in class, and I work to find ways to meet his or her learning needs.  As a husband and father, I admit when I should approach a situation differently and aim to do better the next time.  As a community member, I try to take responsibility in daily interactions if I make a mistake—for example, giving a wave of apology while driving. 

 

However, when I look at the countless issues plaguing our country I see many people behaving like my old self.  I like to keep a pulse on various perspectives and sources to understand how others think, and what I read and hear saddens me as I see blame being cast everywhere.  For example, in the last year I have read that the following people, groups, and ideas are at fault: Republicans, Democrats, capitalism, racism, the far right, the liberal media, Fox News, Black Lives Matter, police, boomers, millennials, Karens, teachers, parents, schools, China, Russia, Hillary, Trump, Pelosi, McConnell, social media, Big Tech, hypocrisy, double standards, Dr. Fauci, President Obama, Trump supporters, men, women, anti-vaxxers, communists, the global elite, liberalism, fascism, America’s history, Antifa, celebrities, athletes, health care, the 1%, white supremacy, systemic injustice, 5G, fake news, religion, lack of religion, and more.   

 

It’s frightening that I rarely hear anybody take responsibility for anything, ever.  Our assumptions, words, and actions have consequences.  When we don’t see that and constantly look to place blame on those who disagree with us, we begin to see them as enemies.  This division has brought us to a point of sickness, and we’ve been sick for a long time.  While we can argue about when it started, that won’t solve anything.  We need to focus on the cure.    

 

I’ll offer a possible solution: stop blaming others and start with ourselves.  We should aim to shine light, not cast shade.  Each of us can accept some responsibility for this ever-building blame game and try to see those who disagree with us as fellow humans, not enemies.  We should question those who urge us to hate others we’ve never even met—hatred and violence cannot be our way forward.  Mahatma Gandhi warned us that “An eye for an eye will make the whole world go blind.”  At this point, we are at risk of being blinded by hatred, and the stones of hate are coming from all directions.  

 

We can reflect on what we put into our minds—what we listen to, what we watch, and where we get our information, as that shapes how we think.  Something isn’t automatically true just because it is on a website we like, because our friend posted it, or because our favorite politician, celebrity, or media personality tweeted it.  Each of us can consider the trustworthiness of the source, who is making money, potential biases, and whether we are receiving plain facts or whether there is subjectivity involved.  We can seek out perspectives that are different from our own—it is healthy to hear multiple viewpoints on a topic. Many news sources focus on one lens, so we may miss out on important ideas.  We can avoid reading “news” that is just a bunch of tweets expressing similar views on a topic, as that only provides one perspective.  We can question whether an algorithm is telling us what stories we should deem important or whether a Twitter feed is telling us what to believe.   

 

It feels like we can’t sustain our current trajectory.  Blame, division, inequalities and hatred are engulfing our nation.  But, we can start with ourselves.  I have made thousands of mistakes in my 40 years of walking this earth.  However, when I take ownership of my thoughts and actions, I get to learn and grow from my mistakes.  We don’t have to agree on everything, but our disagreement and dissent must be respectful, civil, peaceful, and rooted in empathy.  If we hold ourselves accountable to this standard, then elected officials, members of the media, and others with large platforms will either follow our example or become obsolete.  For far too long, we have had hypocritical examples for younger generations to emulate.  The time is now to unite and make positive changes.   

 

Gaslighting

 Here is a post from a former student of mine Emily Wires.  If you are interested I always enjoy guest posts.

 

 

This year has changed the course of humanity in an unprecedented way at an unprecedented rate. In addition, while we have been dealing with the daily trauma of what the past year has rolled out, credibility has been undermined and facts have been ignored.  

 

For cultural reference, the term “gaslighting” stems from the movie Gaslight, in which a main character is deceived by her husband to believe she is going mad . The technical definition is “the act of undermining a person by forcing them to question their thoughts, memories, and experiences.”  

 

As victims of gaslighting, let us unpack our year. I will start.  

 

I am a scientist. My work is rooted in logic and critical thinking, making mistakes and adjusting to achieve small successes. The current pandemic has exploited the scientific process in an extraordinary way. It has also introduced terms and theories otherwise shielded from the general public. More importantly, we have been scientifically gaslighted by an administration preoccupied with the dissemination of disinformation and conspiracy theories. It is careless and dangerous and, for me personally, offensive.  

 

I am a female, rooted in feminism, motherhood, mistakes, and small successes. Women are currently leaving the workforce at an unprecedented rate. I was recently invited to be on a committee to discuss working parenthood during the pandemic. One of the topics was, how do we keep women scientists in the workforce? No one had an answer. I repeat, no one. There is no simple answer. Collectively, we are tasked with teaching our girls AND boys that this is not a zero-sum equation. It was recently reported that countries with female leaders have handled the Covid-19 pandemic better than their male counterparts. It is imperative that we take this task of supporting women in the workforce very seriously.  

 

Gaslighting is rooted in manipulation, insecurity, mistakes, and, unfortunately, small successes. It targets marginalized communities and stokes the forces of division. It changes the narrative because the truth is inconvenient. It is infiltrating our communities, our friends, our families, and our public officials with great momentum.  

 

I encourage you to take inventory—ask questions when something is outside your wheelhouse, identify blind spots, acknowledge biases, and seek truth from credible sources. Use your voice to uphold responsibility and decency.  

 

There is lots to do.