Climbing the ladder

A former student reached out to me this week and it triggered a conversation we had many years ago. 

 She had just been accepted to her dream school (Ivy League) when she asked me after class could she talk to me after school.  


When she came into my class after school, she started to tell me that she has hated school for as long as she could remember.  That her parents had instilled in her that if you get good grades you will get into a great college.  So even though she hated school, she continued to work hard to get into her dream school which she thought would bring her happiness.


She then explained when she was accepted to her dream school how tears of joy rolled down her cheeks.  All that hard work paid off and it was worth it.


The next day however, when she woke up, she was no longer happy.  She came to realize that college was going to be the same as high school.  She was going to have to focus on grades so that she could either get into grad school or get a good job (high paying).


You could see the sadness in her eyes when she asked me, “How do you get off the treadmill?  I paused for a while since this is not the conversation, I thought we were going to have.

My response to her was that you needed to change your mindset about college.  It can not be about getting to the next step but instead it should be about cultivating your passion.  If you enjoy certain subjects take some more courses to either cultivate the passion or to find out that is not what you want to do.


We both then continued to discuss that there are many successful people in the world that work extremely hard at their job.  That if you want to be happy you needed to find something that you were passionate about, so you were enjoying your work and not doing it for some end goal which just lead to another goal.


When she came back to visit throughout the years you could see the change in her body language.  No longer tense but more relaxed, smiling more often and truly seeming to enjoy life. 

The challenge is to find things that are meaningful and enjoyable to you.  When you are doing work that you are passionate about you do not feel like you are on the treadmill at all.

Tribute to Dad

I know when I heard that my father died, I did not really want to do anything.  I did not want to grade papers, nor did I want to prepare lessons or even write this blog.  I was encouraged by my Principal, Assistant Principal and Department Chair to take time off.  So, it would be easy to put everything aside and do nothing.


Then I heard my dad’s voice saying the difference between good and great is what you get done when you have the screw it’s.  I certainly had those now.


A favorite example was Eddie Murray the great Oriole first baseman.  That during one season Eddie lost his mom and younger sister.  Despite personal tragedy which ripped him apart emotionally, Eddie went on to have an MVP caliber year.  That Murray’s focus was even greater that year than most is a tribute to the type of person he was.


My Dad was trying to teach me what Angela Duckworth now calls GRIT.  That no matter what, life is going to have its downturns.  What truly matters is how you bounce back from adversity.


Also remembering my Dad saying, “Actions speak louder than words” I started grading my papers, preparing my lessons, teaching with the same enthusiasm I do everyday and even writing this blog.


Dad just wanted you to realize that you inspire me today like you do every day.



With love in my heart and the deepest appreciation,



Your Son.

Difficult conversations

My friend and I were having a conversation about politics which then started into a heated debate.  When I was going home, I started to think that my friend was a smart guy, he is a nice man and is extremely intelligent.  How then can he be so irrational?


At that last line it hit me that he was probably thinking the same thing on his ride home.  My mind started to wonder how two people can have such differing opinions.


I called my friend up the next day and asked him did he want to meet again.  I explained that I was coming into this conversation with a different mindset.  That I was not going to try to convince him that I was right but instead wanted to learn more about his opinion.


My mindset was to approach this conversation with curiosity and listening with no judgements .  I wanted to know did he know things about the topic that I did not know?  What events or circumstances in his life shaped his viewpoint?  How did his view of the facts differ from my view of similar facts?


As the conversation unfolded, I found myself truly gaining an understanding from where my friend was coming from, the facts that he based his opinions on and his life experiences that allowed him to interpret those facts in the manner that he did.


While at the end of the conversation neither of us changed our minds we both now had a better understanding of each other and realized that we were both rational men who through different life experiences interpret events in a different manner.


So, my challenge to you is to the next time you are having a difficult conversation that you participate in the conversation with curiosity.  


Asking these questions might help

               Does the person know something about the topic that I do not know?

               What experiences do they have that are different than mine?

               Am I being open minded to new ideas?

Finally,  we all go into arguments arguing like we are right, instead go into the argument listening like you are wrong.  You might not change each other’s minds, but it will bring you a lot closer as people.