perfection

I remember when one of my former students returned to visit me.  After chatting for a while I asked her “what could our school have done to prepare you better for college?”  Her answer was you needed to teach me how to fail!  Her answer totally took me by surprise but now upon reflection I understand what she meant.

The research shows that there is not a strong correlation with academic excellence and career success.  Now it is true that your academic record might open a few doors for you when you apply for your first job but after a few years it has little bearing on your career success.

Karen Arnold found in her research of Valedictorians that even though they were successful they were not usually people who reached the top of their fields (more)   That people who received straight “A’s” were often conformist and that what was needed in industry was originality.  That the “A” students settled into and did fine in their career choice, but they were not likely to be the type of person that shook the industry up.

That to be at the top of your industry you need to take risks.  That students who strive to be number one or perfectionist usually are not taking risks for they fear that they will fail. So, we are teaching them and rewarding them to play things close to the vest and not to rock the boat.

That one of the problems of being perfect in school is that you did not have to realize how to deal with failure?  How to fall like a six but rebound like a ten.  That what my student was telling me is that high school needs to be a place where students take risks and learn how to rebound from setbacks.  That at the high school age many students have good support systems which will help them rebound from these slight failures.

So,  if you are struggling with something right now, that is okay.  Learn from your struggles as it is probably preparing you for future success.

As always your feedback is welcome

Persistence pays off

This is a guest blog from a former student of mine.  It is easy to talk about GRIT but she demonstrated it over a long period of time to help her dreams come true.  As she writes she beat the odds 

Tonight, I’m sitting in my living room writing my final part of my capstone class and listening to my daughter laugh and watch her favorite show on the Disney Channel. Ten years ago, I was sitting in my parents’ living room with a brand-new baby next to me sleeping as I wrote my first introductory college class paper and wondering how long it would take me to graduate. I made a mental promise to not stop until I had the one thing I had dreamed of ever since I could remember- my college degree.                  

 Most people thought that my pregnancy was the end of my education and career. Many people told me that it was “okay” if I didn’t go back to school or if I needed to take a break. Basically, because of my circumstances and statistically, as single teenage mother, I was not meant to be successfully. But giving up was never an option for me. This was not the end of the road, this was a fork in the road to see where I would go next.                  

        So, I drove myself over to the Community College of Baltimore County, baby in my arms, and enrolled in my first classes. I mainly enrolled in online classes each semester, so I could work, raise her, and have flexibility for school work. It was difficult teaching myself many concepts and not having “class time” per say, but it was never a reason to quit. It was also difficult experiencing the infancy years, toddler years, and early childhood years along with school. But this journey full of highs and lows helped to shape the person I am today.                                                                                                                                  

 I learned time management skills, independence, and crucial problem-solving skills that are essential for my career and motherhood today. I left CCBC with an associate degree and eventually I was able to transfer to the University of Baltimore where I will be graduating with my bachelor’s degree on December 17th.           

      When I was 18, I wanted to be a doctor, travel the world, and have no regrets. I am not a doctor and I did not get to travel the world (children and college textbooks are expensive) but I have no regrets. I am a mother, a full-time employee and a college graduate. And here it is- the finish line where I will be clothed in a cap and gown, and I’ve made it. Or should I say “we” made it.                                          

Because let’s be real, this degree it as much my daughter’s as it is mine. That little baby that used to sit on my lap while I read books, wrote papers, worked out math problems, now can understand where determination and persistence will lead you. And she will be able to see it firsthand in less than two weeks. Everyone says she is just like me- stubborn, doesn’t take “no” for an answer, doesn’t want things handed to her, hardworking, and headstrong. And while that scares me sometimes, I know it will serve her greatly on her journeys in life wherever she may go.       

  We have these moments that give you a chance to define your life. Will you sit down and be defeated? Will you stand up and continue your fight? Will you give up or will you persevere? Each failure is a lesson. Each success is a blessing. And when you look back make sure you can say that you kept pushing forward. 

college advice from a former student

You will change your mind about what you want to do at least a few million times and panic over your future. Eventually you’ll think you have something figured out, and then you’ll change your mind again. Don’t be like me and stress yourself over things that are years in the future when you don’t even know what your next year will look like. However, do explore different options and talk to other advisors. There’s a lot more resources in high school than in college, and you don’t have to be lost all alone. 

While we’re on the topic of resources, go to office hours. Even if you think you mostly understand the material, go anyway. You aren’t wasting the professor/TA’s time, given that helping you is part of their job. I can only speak to STEM classes, but the office hours helped me understand the material more deeply, instead of trying to memorize twenty formulas in three weeks and remember when to use each one. In one of my classes, I put in no extra study time for one test versus the next one, went to office hours four times, and my test score increased thirty percent. Had I realized the helpfulness of office hours, I would’ve gone a lot sooner instead of now trying to dig myself out of a hole. 

I never start class before 10 am. On one hand, it’s nice to wake up in daylight and still have time go to the gym, do homework, or just relax in the morning before going to class. On the other hand, I’m very jealous when my friends get to go enjoy the rest of their Friday starting at noon and I have class until 3. Starting late is nice, but when it’s the end of the week, ending late can be exhausting. Side note: if you aren’t going to use your mornings productively, don’t start late, and just get your classes out of the way earlier. 

On the topic of schedules, those one-hour gaps will never be used productively. Also, while you spend way less time in the classroom compared to high school, you have to teach yourself a lot more outside of class and the homework takes longer. Establish a good routine at the start so you don’t waste all the “free time” you have. 

Get ahead on your work when possible, especially in the beginning of the year. Some of your classes in the first semester may have material you’ve seen before. If possible, use it as a time to get ahead in the assignments so that you never have to stay up late and cram. Speaking of cramming, study for tests slowly over the course of a week. The material moves much faster in college, and you’re more likely to blank if you don’t spend an extended period of time reviewing concepts. 

I have a policy where I never do work past 10 pm, and I meticulously plan my homework schedule every Sunday night so that ideally, I do no work past 9. Doing work late usually takes me twice as long, I don’t understand or remember what I did, and I feel burnt out the next day. I’m never the smartest person in a room, but I’m usually the only one who did the work when they were fully awake. 

Sometimes your professors will grant extensions, whether to the whole class or you personally. One of the worst traps to fall into is to keep getting further and further behind and asking for more and more extensions. Take your extension, enjoy it, and barring extenuating circumstances, avoid future ones. Or you can spend Thanksgiving finishing overdue assignments, which is considerably less enjoyable than just doing your work on time in the first place. 

Another reason to stay ahead: there will come a time when you are completely burnt out and have nothing left in you. Sometimes you need to take a day to do absolutely nothing and worry about absolutely nothing (or four days, in my case, which was a very regrettable decision). If you always have a million assignments due tonight/tomorrow, taking a mental break day will never be possible. 

Mostly importantly, take care of yourself. Get enough sleep, eat regularly, and take time to do things you enjoy and get involved in campus activities. Keep in touch with your good friends from high school. Make new good friends in college. Have people who will be there for you when your life is going great, and who will be there for you when it feels like your life is on a downward spiral. Have friends who support you but are also willing to have the tough conversations with you and bring you back to reality. Have friends that look out for you and tell you to put the books away and go to bed. Talk to your parents on occasion because it makes them happy. Your relationship with them gets a lot more peaceful when you’re out of the house, and it can be nice having the two people who’ve known you the longest to be there when you need them. 

Personally, I’ve loved college so much, far more than I ever liked high school. The independence and freedom are amazing. Classes are so much more enjoyable when you’re interested in the subject, and you’re not stuck in the same building for seven hours a day. It’s a nice glimpse into life on your own, but without all the adult responsibilities that come with it. College might sound stressful, but it can also be the best times of your life.